Now they’ve gone too far
I went along with “Spawn,” looked the other way with “Punisher,” and tried to understand the need for “Fantastic Four.”
But Aquaman?
I’ve always been taught that Aquaman is the red-headed stepchild of the superhero family. Does he even have any super powers, or does he just swim really well? (This reminds me of that sketch from MTV’s “The State” where Superman orders the Super Friends to do certain jobs before telling Aquaman to “go… talk to some fish.”)
Well, the WB wants to milk the superhero thing for all it’s worth it seems because it’s getting ready to shoot a pilot for a possible Aquaman TV series. The network is expected to create a more fallible, modernized version of Aquaman along the lines of Superman in the hit series “Smallville.”
A story over on E! Online reveals that a casting search for the new Arthur Curry — Aquaman’s alter ego — has already begun. For those of you interested in playing Aquaman you need to be “18-24 years old. Blond or light brown hair, drop dead handsome with an incredible swimmer’s body.”
Looks like I’m out.
Looks like Alan Ritchson (pictured), who played Aquaman in an episode of “Smallville,” is out too. Hold out for the movie version, Alan. You know it’s coming.
You can read more about this over on Aquaman fan site AquamanTV.com. I’m serious.
November 15th, 2005 at 6:20 pm
For a good display of what Aquaman can do, check out JLA (the Grant Morrison relaunch from 1996) #s 1-13 at least. These are also collected in three graphic novel trade paperbacks (for all you fucking cocks that pretend you’re too good to say you read comic books). The conceit that Aquaman can’t do anything is old as dirt and only shows the shortcomings of the writers that use the character.
But he is an easy punchline.
November 15th, 2005 at 6:44 pm
Word. Aquaman drops bombs. Watery ones.
As an aside, I think we all know who should play Aquaman: Vince. Maybe they could squeeze in a part for Turtle as Aqualad.
November 16th, 2005 at 6:25 am
I never pegged Aquaman as the type to sport a bowl cut. Didn’t they replace one of his hands with a harpoon a few years back? Yeah, that’s got to be useful…if you have a constant need to stab things. Whales, porpoises, hammer-head sharks, baby seals, slippery people…any time a knife or non-surgically-attached harpoon won’t cut it.
Plus, how cool of a conversation piece would it be? If you’ve got a hook or prosthetic hand (shaped like a hand), you’re just going to creep people out.
Give yourself a briny smell, harpoon hand and an eye patch (and a good backstory as to why the harpoon hand didn’t lead to the need for an eyepatch), and everyone will want to be your chum.
Get it? Chum! Ha!
November 16th, 2005 at 6:58 pm
Imagine trying to wipe your ass with a harpoon hand? Must be as difficult as a comic-book nerd trying to get laid.