Move over Jane: it’s Hanoi Gary
Gary Glitter’s at it again.
Police in Vietnam are looking for the British musician whom they believe is having a relationship with a teenage girl.
The police are currently interviewing the girl, who was found at Gary’s rented house in the Asian country.
Glitter, who has two claims to fame, his song, Rock and Roll (part 2) and the fact that he likes ‘em young — was caught and convicted for possessing child pornography in England, and was expelled from Cambodia.
It’s apparent that Gary Glitter’s Third-World Asian tour is progressing a little faster than he thought.
In light of Glitter’s “rub-and-tug” with his latest star-struck underage Vietnamese groupie (who was totally asking for it), we believe that all major professional sports leagues should ban “Rock and Roll (Part 2)” from being played at sporting events.
Enough of these pedophile Brits. This is America, after all, and what better way to celebrate American sports that with American musicians.
Because Crap Filter adheres to a strict deadline, we quickly came up with a small list of great songs without doing much research and not knowing much about pop stars (we only watch PBS) to fill the void that Mr. Glitter has left gaping, like a succulent young Vietnamese… never mind.
Anyway, here’s the list. God Bless America:
- Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” Why the King of Pop isn’t heard at every sporting event is mind-boggling. This spokesman for Pepsi was
let go for reasons unknown as this article went to press, but it’s about time we see MJ back in the wide world of sports. - Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Great Balls of Fire” One of the godfathers of Rock ‘n’ Roll, Lewis’ upbeat tune may be 50 years old, but it would pump up even the most boring WNBA game. I’m sure all 13 season ticket holders would liven up after a dose of GBoF.
- R. Kelly’s “I believe I can Fly” Soulful and inspirational, this song, from the Oscar-snubbed “Space Jam,” soundtrack, inspires hope to professional athletes and fans alike. Surely, Kobe Bryant has this one playing on his iPod just before game time. And if it’s good enough for an exemplary athlete like Kobe Bryant, it’s good enough for 20,000 sports fans ready to cheer their team on to victory.
