Year of the dog
Thank the Lord that 2005 is over… a year in which I held two awful jobs (one I am currently vying to leave), TO and injuries ripped my Birds to pieces, annoying dance-rock and Houston shit-hop wouldn’t go away, Dave Chappelle was driven out of America by Oprah and the Nation of Islam, the fat suit became a household phenomenon, TomKat got pregnant, and Nick and Jessica called it quits (if those crazy kids can’t make it, who can?). 2006 (Chinese “Year of the Dog”) has come to the rescue, and here are some of my predictions:
2006 will usher in some musical trends that both don’t suck and aren’t disgustingly repetitive. Sure some dance-rock acts were great this past year, but if I have to hear Banquet by Bloc Party one more time, I may puke… and half of the bands playing this type of music can’t be decyphered from one another. Maybe more underground hip-hop artists will rise and take out Houston (minus Scarface, you can’t take him out because real gangsta-ass niggas play they cards right). AND MAYBE, FINALLY, musical trends ending in “-core” and/or related to overproduced, undertalented emo/pop-punk can die out… but first someone needs to tell Victory Records that Hawthorne Heights sucks.
Lost will finally start to lull in popularity. Sometime in 2006, people will realize that the show is simply okay and not spectacular. Really, it’s not the best show ever, I promise you sometime soon you’ll see the light.
The Eagles will once again rise up as the NFC’s best. Andy Reid will become a full-time coach, giving up his GM duties, though still having a strong arm in the decision process. He and the new GM will pick up a solid WR (Reggie Wayne perhaps) in the Free Agent pool and draft a big defensive lineman. Pinkston will return to strengthen the receiving core, Donovan will come back and his running game will return, and the backfield combination of Westbrook and Moats will hit the opponents hard (maybe our short yard back, Buckhalter, will actually play a snap or two in 2006). The Birds will be back and better than ever, whereas TO will take whatever smaller, crappier deal he can get because no one will give him what he was due with the Eagles at this point!
Tom Cruise will knock up at least one more former star of Dawson’s Creek. My choice: Mary-Margaret Humes, Dawson’s ample MILF. Michelle Williams is getting enough play from her personal gay cowboy, Heath, and most of the other women from the show aren’t too impressive. The only question is which baby momma Tom will choose to stay with, probably Katie because she is half Mary’s age.
X3 will rake in the dizzzough. Not only will it make lots of money, but it will also be the most outstanding action movie of 2006. If you disagree, then you are wrong… END OF STORY!
Thanks for indulging me, go ahead and argue all you want, but it will always remain that though my opinion may change, the fact that I am right will not. Enjoy 2006, fellow crap reading, music listening, movie loving, celebrity gossip consuming bastards. Cheers!
January 3rd, 2006 at 12:42 pm
if toad pinkston’s return strengthens a team’s WR core, you’re in trouble.
that’s all i hafta say about thaaaaat.
please, someone, anyone, kill tom cruise. and katie holmes, too. she ruined batman begins.
January 3rd, 2006 at 12:45 pm
nothing could have ruined batman begins… although she did come close.
and since pinkston just happens to have led the league in yards after the catch in the entire nfl in 04-05, i’d say yeah, he’s an asset.
January 3rd, 2006 at 2:05 pm
man, you must be a tough dude to be around after an eagles loss. you should try rooting for the jets. you’d probably be dead from a coronary by now.
January 3rd, 2006 at 3:24 pm
no, a loss is no big deal… i get over it. i may, however, have been dead by age 18 if i were a jets fan.
January 3rd, 2006 at 5:27 pm
I love it, Pinkston and “strengthen” in the same sentence. you’ll see what a real team plays like on Saturday night in a little town called Foxboro.
January 4th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
:cough: tom brady is overrated and the pats are the most annoying team in footbal :cough:
January 4th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
You saying the Pats are “annoying”, which is silly and irrelevant (and a bit subjective) really throws out any legitimate claim to the subjective “tom brady is overrated” thing….because it shows that you just don’t like the Pats.
If Tom Brady played for the Eagles (who would have won a Super Bowl last year if that was true), you would not consider him overrated. They also would have made a couple more and possibly won.
January 4th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
i don’t like him and i do honestly think he is overrated (though still DAMN good), but regardless, you are correct that i’d probably like him if he were an eagle. for some reason the pats annoy me… i’ll share my 9-11/patriots consipracy theory sometime with you.
January 4th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
I think I get the gist of the conspiracy (I bet it involves 9/11, “Patriots”, and tuck rule). All set here. I would be curious how it flows into the 2 other Super Bowls.
January 4th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
it is highly involved, never have put it to paper (or screen for that matter) so it will take me a bit. but in the coming weeks you can expect it.
ps. i only half believe that the pats were set up to win after 9/11, but it makes for fun conversation
January 4th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
i admit the tuck was a makeup for sugarbear hamilton in ‘76 (fuck the raiders anyway and their dorky fans), but it was actually the right call. blame Zack Crocket, 3 and 1—-stuffed for a loss. So when George Bushs’ term is up, the Pats will stop winning super bowls?
January 4th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
perhaps the new expansion team, the donkeys, will be the first expansion team to win a bowl in their first season when bush’s term is up… but my guess is that the pats will stay in office for “FOUR MORE YEARS” (in best arnold voice).
actually my theory will not link the pats winning directly to bush, you’ll just have to stay tuned and watch me make an ass out of myself.
January 24th, 2006 at 9:28 am
[…] Anyone that has been following Crap Filter probably knows that I have declared a personal vendetta against dance rock for the year of 2006. So, it’s just my luck that when I receive a brand spanking new CD from one of my favorite indy labels, Velvet Blue Music, it turns out to be some dance rock band called Silver Cities that I suspected sounded like every fourth band to release music in the past year. But, since I trust Jeff and his musical prowess, I decided to give it a spin and take on this review, rather than pawning it off to some other Craphead (my personal affectionate term for Crap Filter writers, like myself). […]
April 12th, 2006 at 10:19 am
[…] By now, most Crap Filter readers probably know that at the beginning of the year I declared a personal vendetta against trendy dance rock… yet for the second or third time this year, I’ve fallen into listening excessivley to another dance rock CD. Hypocrite? Sure, I probably am, but I can’t help it when there is actually good music coming out of the trendy genre I had previously written off. […]