Like kicking fish in a barrel
I’m sure by now most of you have noticed that Chuck Norris has become this ironic Internet cult figure. The most telling evidence of this is the Chuck Norris Facts that have been circulating the Web — there’s even a site dedicated to them. Some examples:
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Well, Norris isn’t about to sit idly by while he becomes the butt of jokes on the Internet. The “Walker, Texas Ranger” star and Total Gym endorser has kicked back with a statement on his Web site.
I’m aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as “Chuck Norris facts.” I’ve seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I’m not quite sure what to make of it. It’s quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, “Against All Odds?” They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, “The Justice Riders,” released this month. I’m very proud of these literary efforts.
It’s too bad he didn’t take this opportunity to sell some of his merchandise, like his recent autobiographical book “Against All Odds” and his novels set in the Old West, “The Justice Riders.”
Of course, Conan O’Brien does his part to keep up Norris’ legend on the small screen with his “Walker, Texas Ranger” crank. If you haven’t seen it already, you absolutely must check out the clip that features a young Haley Joel Osment dropping a bombshell.
January 11th, 2006 at 11:27 am
Those are hilarious. Some more good ones:
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Actually, they are all funny.
January 11th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
John Guillmette was actually the first person ever to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
January 12th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Actually I think that site stole the facts from this site, http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty
Could be wrong though.