Calling all lunatics
Spied conspicuously buried on vgmerchandise.com: Shameless, self-promoting egomaniacal actor/director Vincent Gallo’s sperm is for sale. And you can have it for the low introductory price of a cool $1 million (last ad on page). 
That is, of course, you’d prefer Gallo himself to inseminate the sperm naturally, then it’ll cost you an additional $500,000, unless:
“… If after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.”
So, if you can prove to Mr. Gallo that you’re a worthy piece of ass, then he’ll waive the banging charge. How nice (and demeaning) of him.
But if you think women are the only ones being cut down in this ad, you’re wrong. The blacks and the Jews don’t fare any better:
“Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration.”
Hmmm, OK. So by that rationale if I had a lemonade stand working I could refuse all blacks since their skin is not yellow? Makes as much sense I guess.
Now, an underhanded dig at the Jews:
“Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.”
Good Christ! I really don’t know what to make of this ad; is Gallo serious, is he joking?! I just don’t know. I mean, who would fall for this nonsense anyway? The rest of this site seems pretty legit, so I’m flummoxed here. I like the guy and think he’s pretty talented, but this ad reeks of racism and bigotry.
January 17th, 2006 at 10:42 am
This would be the place to link up Gallo’s high-larious interview of himself that useta be posted on Buddyhead, but I can’t find it anymore.