Cartoonish Justice
Sigh…I guess I should have seen this coming. Paris Hilton was released from jail today. Apparently, the waifish celebutante was refusing to eat her prison rations, and this “medical condition” caused her to be sent home for house arrest. There are thousands of people who would pay lots of money to live in Paris’ house for 45 days. Obviously, the system is being bent over and spanked by a rich and powerful family. Is there any way that us little people who don’t own hotel chains can find justice?
What is justice really? According to dictionary.com, justice is the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness. In Paris’ case, there is not much fairness or rightness about her being allowed to break the law and then go home because she doesn’t like jail food. In many cases these days, it seems that personal responsibility is not only being ignored, but the system is encouraging just that. Lewis Libby is going to jail for lying to the authorities in the Valerie Plame case. But no one has been charged with leaking her name to the press, which is an obvious breach of national security. So where is the justice in that? An undercover CIA agent is exposed, and we yawn. So If we are not going to hold our political leaders to high standards for behavior, why should we hold tabloid celebrities to any standard at all?
The problem is that the fault in these matters falls directly on YOU, the reader! And me, of course. All of us who have not written letters to elected officials, or marched in a public demonstration have not done their part in the process. Are we not a government by the people and for the people? Posting on a message board is nice, but ultimately not enough. When CBS cancelled the television show “Jericho”, fans were outraged, and sent 25 tons of peanuts to the network, prompting them to rethink their decision. So it is obvious what we need to do. If you don’t like the Plame investigation, send outraged letters to your local Congressmen and Senators. It sounds played, but you can make a difference if you get involved. Here is a link to the LA country Sheriff’s Department website, where they have listings for all sorts of people you can voice your distress to. Me? I am thinking about whether or not to mail them boxes of cashews or walnuts. Probably the cashews, since they look like deformed peanuts, and (can you feel it coming?), this situation is an example of DEFORMED justice. Snap!
UPDATE: According to TMZ, the release of this prisoner was to prevent her having a nervous breakdown. LA top Sheriff Lee Baca signed off on this, so this goes to show the idiocy goes straight to the top. Because there is no way other prisoners are sitting in their cells being nervous. Is Lee going to send them all home?
UPDATE #2: She’s going back in the clink! Hurray for Cashews! And the filter, for making it happen, of course.
Crack is whack! Unless you’re Pete Doherty
I suppose there’s really nothing that Pete Doherty can do to shock me these days.
Wait, what? He injected heroin into a female fan’s arm while she was passed out on her kitchen floor and then smoked some crack?
OK, I guess that’s a little shocking.
None of my friends are smack fiends or crackheads, so I’m not really an expert on what to do when somebody overdoses on the stuff. As a writer, I do, however, have many alcoholic friends. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that when somebody is passed out drunk on the floor, it’s almost never a good idea to start force feeding them grain alcohol, no matter how tempting the urge may be. One would assume that the same goes for sweet lady H.
Oops, she did it again
The Gray Lady of celebrity journalism, US Weekly, has the scoop of the century — Britney’s pregnant — again! OK, so it’s not much of a scoop. Expect to see this story play out in a similar fashion once a year or so for the next 23 or so years. The second Britney married Kevin Federline, it was pretty much a solid bet that Britney would spend the majority of her life up until menopause with swollen ankles and raising her big hillbilly clan.
Britney Spears, 24, couldn’t hide her pregnancy any longer when she showed up poolside at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas this weekend, sporting a red bikini and a serious bump. The singer is expecting her second child with husband Kevin Federline, 28, sources have confirmed to Us
Remember that hot 16-year-old girl named Britney Spears dancing around in a school uniform? No sooner than she hit the scene did predictions start rolling in on how long after her 18th birthday she’d end up in Playboy. I hope you didn’t lay down any cash on that, because it’s never going to happen.
If it does, it’ll be another Tiffany deal where she shows up 15 years after that last fleeting bit of real fame. OK, Tiffany was only like 31 at the time, which isn’t bad, but I predict a soft-focus, heavyily backlit Britney to appear sometime around the time she turns 49.
Be sure to head over to US Weekly for a super-sexy pic.
Inconceivable!
Cynthia McKinney, a congresswoman from Georgia, fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is never get involved in a land war is Asia, but only slightly less well known is this one. Never walk away from an interview, without removing or turning off your microphone! As Frank Drebin was caught once, so now is the congresswoman, who was heard making a disparaging remark about an aide. The remark was not as bad as some might have you believe. The real best part is that after that, she tried to go back and tell the interviewer that the slip up was off the record. Of course the newspeople essentially said “T.S.”, and now we all get to hear the gaffe. You can enjoy the delightfulness here.
And baby makes three… freaks
That eerie silence you’re not hearing is the lack of sound of Katie Holmes pushing out baby thetan girl… or something absolutely ridiculous like that.
LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) — Actor Tom Cruise and his fiance, actress Katie Holmes, welcomed the birth of a daughter on Tuesday, according to Cruise’s publicist.
They named the girl Suri, which “has its origins in Hebrew, meaning ‘princess,’ or in Persian, meaning ‘red rose,’ ” Cruise spokesman Paul Bloch said in a statement.
What more is there to say, really? This one never had a chance.
We’re here to talk about your baby, Ms. Spears
This must be like pure deja vu from Britney’s backwoods childhood in Louisiana:
Child welfare officials and a sheriff’s deputy visited the home of Britney Spears but declined to say Tuesday whether they were investigating the pop princess.
Spears and her husband, Kevin Federline, are the parents of an infant son, Sean Preston.
The Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services and the Lost Hills sheriff’s station declined to give details of Saturday afternoon’s visit.
“It’s a very standard, routine patrol request,” Lt. Debra Glaskides said Tuesday. “We just roll out with them. We stood by, we took no action, no report or anything.”
You know how it was Luke Skywalker’s destiny to redeem his father so Anakin Skywalker could kill The Emperor and bring balance to the force? It is Sean Preston Spears-Federline’s destiny to be seized by the state, thusly restoring the balance to that was disturbed way back when people actually thought Britney might not be absolute trash.
UPDATE
From the pinnacle of Journalism, The Star:
On April 7, when Britney Spears and Kevin Federline realized that their baby, Sean Preston, had been sleeping more than usual, panic bells went off. Just six days earlier, the 7-month-old had taken a major fall from his high chair, a tumble that had his parents worried that he might have been critically injured.
They had every right to fret. After rushing Sean to a nearby hospital, they discovered he had a minor skull fracture (sometimes called a “scalp fracture” in babies), and a blood clot.
Wait a second. It took them “just” six days to go to the hospital after the kid fell on his head out of a high chair? When I think “fret” I don’t think “sit around waiting for the moonshine to ferment so you can drive to the hospital with a good buzz.” And after six days, “rushing” isn’t really the word for going to the hospital.
Looks like the prophecy will be fulfilled sooner than anyone could have anticipated.
You don’t have to yell Michael, I’m all around you!
As Michael knight, David Hasselhoff was a hero who’s mission was “to champion the cause of the innocent, the powerless, the helpless in a world of criminals who operate above the law”. Looks like he has possibly switched teams, at least in the eyes of one judge. A restraining order has been issued against our favorite Spongebob Squarepants human-boat. What you don’t get that reference? See the movie, people! His legions of German fans might not like it, but this means he cannot come within 100 yards of his estranged wife, Pamela Bach. David himself has issued thanks for his fans’ support on his website. I guess K.I.T.T. was not able to bail him out of this one. Maybe Pamela Anderson should have testified in his defense.
Stapp is sweating crucifixes over sex tape
Poor Scott Stapp. Why does that sound familiar? Oh, I know! That’s because this isn’t the first time I’ve been forced to write about this fucking clownshoe of a man. Everybody knows that he’s a giant hypocrite, so why even bother to try to stop the sex tape starring him, Kid “Also a Living Joke” Rock, and some strippers from getting out? Well, now he’s suing the company that claims not to have stolen it.
Stapp’s lawsuit alleges that two tapes, described as a “video diary” of his 1999 concert tour, were stolen from a safe at his house. The suit states Red Light District violated his trademark and privacy rights, causing him embarrassment, pain, suffering and emotional distress.
Any sliver of a chance of being the actual person he would like to think he is was gone long before Kid Rock licked his nipple.
It’s time to just let the current take you where it will. If you’ve got to sue, at least sue for a portion of the profits.
The Whammies Finally Got Him
Unfortunately, more news of the depressing kind, as Peter Tomarken was killed in a plane crash yesterday in Santa Monica. Tomarken was best known as host of the immortal PRESS YOUR LUCK, one of the most recognized game shows of the 80’s.
Tomarken was in my opinion, a very underrated game show host. I thought that PRESS YOUR LUCK was a lot of fun, and he added to that. As a kid, I couldn’t resist those cute cartoon whammies. Of course the fact that there was a lot of luck involved made it appealing, as skill or knowledge only played a partial role in the success of a contestant. Tomarken got to be part of one of the most famous game show incidents of all time, when Michael Larson hustled the show for thousands of dollars. Also, check out the whole of the Classic Press Your Luck Homepage. It is very well socked with fun stuff.
Nobody gives a shit about Pete Doherty
1. Who the fuck is Pete Doherty?
2. What the fuck is a Babyshambles?
3. Why the fuck is there a media obsession them?
These are questions I will attempt to answer.
1. Pete Doherty is a retarded hobo from England. His main hobbies are fucking up, having sunken eyes, having transparent skin, riding Kate Moss’s nearly nonexistant coattails, filling gossip pages in trashy British tabloids, getting arrested and heroin.
2. ba·by n.
A very young child; an infant.
sham·ble intr.v. sham·bled, sham·bling, sham·bles
To walk in an awkward, lazy, or unsteady manner, shuffling the feet.
I’ve got to assume that in England, “babyshambles” is a word used to describe the way babies walk. Here in the U.S. and A, we don’t use this word. It’s not a word. It’s not in dictionaries. Don’t believe the Pete Doherty media.
Babyshambles is also the name of Pete Doherty’s band. Nobody has ever heard them and nobody ever will. Web sites that serve entertainment news to the U.S. like to toss the name of his band around as if you may have heard of it. Don’t be fooled into thinking you somehow missed the Babyshambles revolution. It never happened and it never will. Pete Doherty will never be the modern Syd Barrett on heroin. Dick Cheney could shoot him in the face and you should never hear about it in the news, because he is of absolutely no consequence. That lawyer in Texas was more important and you never heard of him until he got a face full of Cheney’s shot.
3. I have absolutely no idea. Nobody cared when Kate Moss was caught on camera with a face full of nose candy, because absolutely nobody was shocked that a rail-thin and not-too-attractive model actually did coke. If you were shocked by that, get ready for this: No-name British musicians sometimes do drugs. And sometimes they make an ass of themselves. And sometimes they write incoherent bullshit on the inside of fogged up police car windshields. There’s no reason to care and make this a top story on Yahoo News. Really. That’s all.
Scott Stapp finally gets a break
It ain’t easy being Scott Stapp. The man’s life has basically been a string of public embarassments, and with good cause. He’s a talentless hack, a hypocrite and a douchebag with a god complex. Also, he tried to nail some chick at Denny’s.Oh, and he’s allergic to shirts. What’s not to hate?
In case you’re not familiar with his latest fuck up (and it’s not the one involving his nipple, Kid Rock, and some strippers), here’s a brief primer:
The former Creed frontman and beauty queen Jaclyn Nesheiwat, 25, were married in Miami and en route to a Hawaiian honeymoon via L.A. when he was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport on suspicion of being drunk in public. Stapp requested a blood-alcohol test, which he received—and promptly registered a 0.18, twice the legal limit, according to airport police. The singer was then booked and released on $250 bail
That’s just stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Anyway, it looks like the L.A. district attorney had mercy on his pathetic soul and decided not to press charges. I guess he’s had it bad enough. On the other hand…
Man Bites Dog
Paris Hilton. You know her. You love her. You hate her. Anyway, is good to see that she is just as genuinely nice as she claims. She is so nice, that she has had a restraining order taken out against her. The funny thing about this order is that she will not allow it to affect her partying racket. The unusual parameters reduce the distance she must stay away from this gentleman, if they are attending the same social function.
This guy needs to have some fun with this. I say give him his own reality show, all about his adventures with Paris. Or should I say MIS-Adventueres!? (Chortle) At a party they are both at, he should start to slowly walk towards her, and see if she backs away, maintaining her required 25 foot distance. That would be a lot more fun to see on TV than Paris working in some fast food place. Imagine watching Paris fumble through a crowd, and end up tripping, landing face first in some caviar. Smells like a hit to me.
A Super Lady Leaves Us Too Soon
Today started off sadly, as we learned that Dana Reeve has lost her battle with cancer. The widow of Christopher Reeve was a non-smoker, and was diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer just last August. She was 44 years old. In recent years she had been a tireless activist for spinal chord research, and her legacy (along with her husband’s) will be one of great hope. We can also take comfort in the fact that she and Christopher have now been reunited.
Murphy…It’s You!
Yesterday I stumbled upon an interesting factoid. I was watching the History Channel’s “Rome: Engineering an Empire”. I was happily learning about Roman roadwork and aqueducts, when something strange happened. One of the experts was talking about wealthy Romans having running water in their homes. I saw onscreen that this expert was from Syracuse University. “Go Orange!”, I thought. Great to see faculty from my alma mater on TV, right? Then I realized something. This professor looked and sounded a hell of a lot like Peter Weller, the actor we all know and love as the original Robocop. Funny thing is that that is exactly the name they had onscreen. I sat up in my chair. Could it be that this man who so thoroughly “was” Buckaroo Banzai is now some Roman history expert?
It seemed too good to be true, but after some online investigating, it turns out to be cold hard fact. Robocop has been teaching the young people of our country! Who wouldn’t want to take his class? In reading some online message boards, it seems he is known for being a tough professor. But what would we expect, after watching him shoot a criminal in the crotch? I just wish he had been there when I was a student. I don’t know if I’d be able to resist asking him to twirl a pistol, a la “T.J. Lazer”.
Crispin Glover is batshit crazy
We report. You decide.
Sent to me by Nate Kushner via AIM.
‘The Superficial’ readers are puritanical jackoffs
Yesterday I was cruising around ytmnd, and came across one site with Emma Watson, who plays Hermione in the Harry Potter movies posing as if she were drinking a bottle of Corona. Colin Devroe over at The Uber Geeks suggested that I write something about it, so I checked Google for the originating source or at least some more information. I came up empty-handed after a whole 30 seconds of searching, so I decided to just forget about it. Besides, the only thing that made it all that interesting was the fact that it was in the ytmnd site.
So then this morning I checked The Superficial, because I like laughing at those more fortunate than I am. I rarely read the comments on sites like that, mostly because I don’t have the patience to dig through 90 of them, and also because I figure the average celebrity-gawker probably can’t add much insight beyond “J00 SUX PARIS!” For some reason, I decided to read a bit. Apparently the morality police like to read about how fat Britney has become because the comments thread on the post about Emma Watson and this picture is full of comments like “Thats awesome… more corrupted hollywood youth” and “I NEVER saw so much alcohol abuse by young adults as I did in Europe. Not to mention the smoking too.”
OK, so they’re not all that bad, and I’m about to get into the pros and cons of drinking for 15-year-olds, but honestly, what a bunch of self-righteous jackasses. My absolute favorite would have to be this gem…
Blech, Corona. She could choose a better drink—courvoisier or Hennessey, anyone?
Self-righteous jackasses, indeed.
Your daily Glitter
It’s been a while, but there’s a little bit of news on the Gary Glitter front today. Looks like Vietnam’s legal system isn’t a total sham, and he will be going on trial after all.
“This case seriously violates Vietnamese habits and customs and the families of the two victims have asked for a closed trial,” Co said.
Now, these are the same families of the victims who each already accepted $2,000 from Glitter in exchange for reduced charges.
In Vietnam, sex with children only costs $2,000, but the bureaucracy’s a real bitch.
Bryant Gumbel, racist
In this politically charged country of obvious media bias – what with its propensity to bury the left’s shortcomings and magnify the right’s – it shocks even me, a most discriminating and outspoken critic of media ethics (or lack thereof), that the following comments by Bryant Gumbel during the most recent episode of his award-winning HBO sports show have been given a free pass in the press:
“Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t like them and won’t watch them … Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won … So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin.”
Where does one begin extracting the untruths and biases in the above comments? Since the media have obviously turned a blind eye to these statements and left us to our own devices, we in the blogosphere need to take a harder look at this. Let’s start with the obvious.
The Deadliest Game of All…Man!
The Vice President of the United States of America shot someone in the face over the weekend. It is widely accepted that this was a freak accident. Let’s all be thankful that the victim is doing well, and is expected to recover. Then let’s all remember how during the 2004 race for the Whitehouse, Dick Cheney made fun of John Kerry’s hunting trip. Kerry, in an effort to try to attract gun-toting voters, went pheasant hunting, and it drew comparisons to Michael Dukakis’ ill-fated tank ride in 1988. Cheney, an avid hunter, saw right through Kerry’s dubious attention grab, and was able to spin it to his advantage.
In today’s media-driven society, these sorts of incidents can be public relations dreams or nightmares for politicians. The question now will be if the political opponents of Cheney will make light of this incident in a political setting. Given a man was seriously injured, it seems more likely to find favor on the tongues of Jay Leno and David Letterman. Ah, but my kingdom for the day when a politician stands up and says, “If you want to get shot in the face, vote for Cheney!” That would be good times.
Star Wars’ ‘Uncle Owen’ dies at 89
As a big Star Wars fan, this is a sad bit of news to pass along. Phil Brown, who played Owen Lars in Star Wars, has died at age 89.
A few years ago I read about his unusual story of moving to London to avoid accusations of being a Communist in the U.S. in the 1950s. The article does a nice job of summing up how he fled and got the role that made him famous to generations of Star Wars geeks.
He moved his family to London in the 1950s after being blacklisted during the communist scare in the United States. A longtime progressive, Brown always denied being a Communist.
In London, he found work on stage and in such films as “Tropic of Cancer” (1970) and “Twilight’s Last Gleaming” (1977).
In the mid-1970s, George Lucas was filming interior scenes for “Star Wars” at a London sound stage and needed an actor with a strong American accent.
Brown got the role, then spent a month or so in Tunisia filming a handful of scenes.
He returned to California in the early 1990s, quickly discovering that the role had made him a celebrity. He became a popular figure at science fiction conventions.
It’s sad to see him pass, but hey, look on the bright side — at least his nephew didn’t come home to find him grilling in the front yard.
Britney wants her baby dead!
Well, probably not. But Britney Spears isn’t doing her son Sean any favors by driving with him on her lap. On PCH, no less! For you losers that don’t live in L.A., the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu (aka the ‘Bu) is not a relaxing drive. I don’t like driving it at all, and certainly can’t imagine having an infant in my lap while I try to watch the road.
Mrs. Federline has of course defended her actions,saying that she was afraid of the paparazzi she encountered at a Starbucks. Whatever. As fun as it is to make fun of Britney for being a bad parent, we should all hope that her son doesn’t get hurt as a result of her reckless ways. In the meantime, let’s all laugh at her looking awful.
At long last! Scarlett, Keira get naked!
Does it make me a bad person to get excited about this? Eh, who cares.
Under the artful eye of photographer Annie Leibovitz, the starlets posed nude for the cover of Vanity Fair magazine’s yearly Hollywood issue, to be released Wednesday.
Click Scarlett’s pasty white ass for a much larger, and ostensibly more NSFW version.
Hillbilly heroin addiction: How rude!
I admit that sometimes I do dumb shit when I get bored. I also admit that I’ve gotten drunk and chatted with other drunk friends online because I had nothing planned for the evening.
For former child stars, getting drunk just doesn’t cut it. For them, robbing a liquor store is a more appropriate way to reduce boredom. But sometimes you just don’t feel like leaving the house. So then what do you do? Why, lots and lots of meth, of course!
Former Full House star Jodi Sweetin, who’s still surprisingly hot, and apparently not missing any teeth yet, admitted today on ABC’s Good Morning America that she was a raging meth fiend for two years.
two years ago, she found herself dangerously addicted to one of the most debilitating drugs, methamphetamine. She said she was unemployed and bored and began simply by experimenting. Soon, she was using meth everyday.
The tabloid press reported a three-day bender as well as an intervention staged by her “Full House” castmates — including the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget.
I’m glad she’s apparently clean and looking for work now, but I think the real icing on the cake is the fact that it took a real-life episode of Full House to get her back on off the wagon.
Let the countdown to the inevitable Lifetime movie begin.
Just in: Jessica Alba is desirable female
Here’s a hot story (pun intended)! Apparently Jessica Alba is so hot that guys want her as her girlfriend!
NEW YORK - More guys want Jessica Alba for their girlfriend than any other woman, according to AskMen.com’s top 99 list for 2006.
The 24-year-old actress tops the Web site’s list ranking female celebrities on their “long-term relationship material.” Alba is followed by “Alfie” star Sienna Miller and the ubiquitous Angelina Jolie.
But wait, there’s more…
The rest of the top 10, in order, is Brazilian model Adriana Lima (No. 1 last year), “Access Hollywood” correspondent Maria Menounos, Charlize Theron, Jessica Biel, singer Amerie, Natalie Portman and Eva Longoria.
Britney Spears — a mainstay of such lists in previous years — failed to chart.
Hooked on Hasselhoff
I’m pretty sure this is the most awesome thing I’ll see all day, and I’m seeing MF Doom tonight.
Via The Superficial.
106.9 The Fox rocks the bandwidth theft hits!
Here’s the latest craze that’s sweeping the nation: Bandwidth theft!
Last week we had some great pictures of Drew Barrymore at the Golden Globes, and as particularly attentive readers may recall, Drew was lacking some essential support in her girly regions. We got a ton of hits from this, but it seemed like our data transfers were going up at a much faster rate than the actual traffic would imply. I scoured or stats on Google Analytics, yet I couldn’t find the cause of the rise there. Maybe I was figuring wrong.
Then I checked the Webalizer stats and it all made sense. The top referrers in Webalizer were 1069thefox.com and a few other addresses that’ll get you to the same site, which was odd because there was no mention of it in Analytics, but it adds up to 7,372 hits from this station’s site at last count. That’s not insignifigant.
You see, Google Analytics only tracks pages that contain a small piece of tracking code that sends a ping back to Google when somebody loads that page. The reason they didn’t show up Analytics was because they were simply stealing our bandwidth by loading our images of Drew Barrymore directly without so much as a link recognizing where they came from.
Ordinarily I wouldn’t have a problem with someone straight up taking the picture. In fact, I would actually think it’s kind of cool to find it somewhere later on down the road. I’m not particularly attached to the photos that I took of the TV while I had it paused with TiVo. What annoys me even more than the bandwidth theft is that they didn’t even acknowledge us.
I realize that the page that the offending images are loading on isn’t linked up anymore, but I figure I’d send a few visitors over in that direction anyway. There’s just one problem: The images of Drew now show Brian Peppers for some reason.
Hmm, go figure. 106.9 The Fox doesn’t realize how close they were to loading a couple of pictures from a certain Web site that begins with goatse and ends in .cx.
This just in: Michael Jackson is still nuts
As if you needed to be told, but Jacko is still wacko. After his child molestation trial, he basically got the hell out of Dodge, er, the United States, and high-tailed it for Bahrain.
Continuing his tradition of covering himself with inappropriate things (sequin jackets, surgical face masks, ghastly white skin), Jackson showed up at a mall sporting a black robe and veil, the likes of which only the subjugated and oppressed women of the world typically wear.
The poorly written edited AP article, which repeats the part about him wearing the robe and veil three times, gets into marginally more detail:
The 47-year-old pop star was accompanied by three children, apparently his, whose faces were covered with dark scarves. They wore yellow shirts and sweat pants or khakis, without robes.
So what’s the lesson here? If you want to make sure nobody can tell who you are, be sure to make a scene. Sure, they won’t know for sure that you’re the King of Pop, but if you make an ass of yourself in the right way enough times, the whole world will be able to narrow down the list of who might be walking around a mall in an obscure country with kids wearing bags on their heads.
That’s Michael Jackson for you — always discrete.
Could Jobs be the next CEO of Disney?
Steve Jobs wants your soul. Trust me, he’ll do better things with it than you ever will. And he’ll do better things with Disney’s joke of an animation studio than they have in the last decade.
The man who co-founded and runs Apple and owns more than half of Pixar is set to become the largest shareholder of Disney. I haven’t done any math on this, but I’ve got to assume that this deal won’t make him the majority shareholder, so while he won’t technically “own” Disney, he’ll still be the 800 pound gorilla of the Disney board.
Published reports said Disney’s board discussed the negotiations Monday and gave chief executive Bob Iger authority to complete a deal. The company could announce as early as Tuesday that it will acquire Pixar in a stock transaction, according to reports.
So what does this mean? It means that someday soon, Disney might not be the festering boil of the animation industry. They can’t make a good animated feature to save their lives these days. If it weren’t for Pixar, Disney would be nowhere today. Their only saving grace over the last 11 years has been the fact that they’ve been lucky enough to attach their name to all the great movies that have been made by Pixar, entirely separate of Disney’s poison factory animation studios.
The part of me that loves Pixar is hesitant to see Disney swallow them up, but if it involves giving Steve Jobs any sort of control, I think it might work out for the best. If you appreciate quality animated features, meaning stuff that actually looks good (not this crap) and has a real plot and real characters, you’d do well to keep your fingers crossed.
Am I Chuck Norris or not?
I feel like it’s somehow my responsibility to keep this whole bizarre Chuck Norris phenomenon going as long as possible. This one’s actually good though.
Some brilliant man, presumably Chuck Norris himself, has put together a Random Chuck Norris Fact site — sort of an “am-I-Norris-or-not” type site that lets you rate random facts about Chuck Norris.
Like all things Norris, some are good, and some are terrible. I like the fact that I can be partially responsible for telling people how unfunny some of these are.
Look, it’s Monday morning. It’s the best you can expect.
UPDATE: Some Most of these are fucking terrible.
Burger King gets high quality meat
I’ve got to give it up to the Burger King. For a guy that’s totally creepy (we’re talking “clown at kid’s birthday party” creepy), he can apparently get some sweet ass. Maybe this just proves that women are only turned on by money and power.
The Burger King, who seperated from the Dairy Queen a few years ago, and omnipresent hottie Brooke Burke appear to be an item.
So the rumors are true!
The pair have been spotted laying out on the beach, horseback riding and taking in a Lakers game at courtside. (Thanks to The Superficial for the heads up) More photos of the two kanoodling can be found at Buzznet.
It seems that the Burger King has a lot of time on his hands now that his team has been eliminated from the NFL playoffs.
Soul singer Wilson Pickett dies at 64
The big news of the day is that soul singer Wilson Pickett has died. There is no other news of the day. It’s sad to see yet another influential musical figure of the ’60s die — it really makes you wonder who’s going to be next. I want to put my money on a member of the Rolling Stones, but that seems like the easy pick. Maybe we need to start a death pool around here at Crap Filter world headquarters.
Back to the subject at hand, Pickett was famous for songs such as “In the Midnight Hour” and “Mustang Sally,” but when I hear his name, I only hear Land of 1,000 Dances. Give it a listen and you’ll know it too. Why does it sound so familiar? That’s right, Ini Kamoze.
Like any good star, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame member had his share of run-ins with the law.
In 1991, he was arrested for allegedly yelling death threats while driving a car over the mayor’s front lawn in Englewood, N.J., and less than a year later was charged with assaulting his girlfriend.
In 1993, he was convicted of drunken driving and sentenced to a year in jail and five years’ probation after hitting an 86-year-old man with his car. In 1987, he was given two years’ probation and fined $1,000 for carrying a loaded shotgun in his car.
Ah, there’s nothing like an obituary to ruin a perfectly good legacy. So long, Wilson, we’ll miss ya.
Milking the Globes
So the Filter has been getting insane traffic recently because of Chris’ breaking story from the Golden Globes. For those of you who missed it, Drew Barrymore was flowing free with her funbags while presenting.
Well, there’s more flap over stuff that happened at the Globes, so of course I intend to milk it.
Apparently if you work as a reporter for E! you get to touch movie stars’ breasts. Such a thing occurred when Isaac Mizrahi met up with Scarlett Johansson on the red carpet (video).
Also, Page Six of the New York Post reports that Reese Witherspoon made a fashion faux pas during the ceremonies by wearing a dress a second time (Photo courtesy of The Superficial).
Witherspoon, who won Best Actress for “Walk the Line,” wore a white-and-silver “vintage” Chanel dress - only to find out it was a mere 3 years old and that Kirsten Dunst wore the same frock to Globes after-parties back in 2003. Whoops!
Living la vida dorado
Start printing more of those Golden Shower T-shirts, Kodesex. We’ve got a new fan.
Singer Ricky Martin, currently immersed in Year 7 of the Latin Explosion, apparently told Blender magazine that he enjoys sprinkling his liquid waste.
“I love giving the ‘golden shower.’ I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s like, so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different.”
…
Even though everyone’s pretty much known for a while that Martin’s career is over, this pretty much confirms there’s no chance of a revival. Unless he and R. Kelly decide to do a duet.
After some began questioning his ability to run a humanitarian foundation as a result of the comments, Martin squirted back, as Yahoo! Music news reports.
“At the time I granted the interview never did it cross my mind that my comments would spark this absurd and sensationalist public discussion. I cannot avoid speculation about my career and life, but I cannot allow those for whom my foundation works to be affected because I am a public figure.”
Guys named Leif don’t do well in jail
Leif Garrett has been arrested.
Who the hell is Leif Garrett? I’m glad you asked. He’s the former celebrity you see looking vaguely coked out next to a younger, but strangely, not hotter version of everyone’s favorite Desperate skank Housewife, Nicolette Sheridan (he’s the one on the left).
Aside from hanging out with good company, he was a living, and often breathing after-school special. He had a few hit songs, paralyzed his best friend in a car accident, did lots of drugs, probably got arrested, and then got his own E! True Hollywood Story VH1 Behind the Music and now, this:
LOS ANGELES - Seventies teen idol
Leif Garrett was being held without bail after authorities said he was suspected of carrying narcotics and not having a subway ticket.Garrett, 44, was arrested by sheriff’s deputies Saturday on the platform of the Pershing Square Red Line station when he didn’t have a ticket, authorities said. Deputies found suspected narcotics during a search, officials said.
I have a feeling that this isn’t going to be a very funny mugshot. Oh well, Leif can’t lose ‘em all.
Calling all lunatics
Spied conspicuously buried on vgmerchandise.com: Shameless, self-promoting egomaniacal actor/director Vincent Gallo’s sperm is for sale. And you can have it for the low introductory price of a cool $1 million (last ad on page). 
That is, of course, you’d prefer Gallo himself to inseminate the sperm naturally, then it’ll cost you an additional $500,000, unless:
“… If after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.”
So, if you can prove to Mr. Gallo that you’re a worthy piece of ass, then he’ll waive the banging charge. How nice (and demeaning) of him.
Dear Drew: Get a bra
Apparently the camera adds 10 pounds. To the boobs. Each of them. And it removes bras, too.
Those of you bored enough to be watching the Golden Globes may have caught Drew Barrymore talking about the outstanding film “Good Night, And Good Luck.” Drew must have been in a very big hurry tonight because she apparently forgot to wear a bra. Normally it’s hard to complain about something like this, except when a woman’s lady parts appear to be more like a set of dual beer bellies than actual breasts. It was weird.
Luckily a quick-thinking producer caught it and put a quick end to the wide shot with a tasteful zoom toward her more prime-time-friendly regions.
Bitch fails to learn from past mistakes
If nothing else, Eminem Slim Shady Marshall Mathers is a man who knows how to forgive and forget. He and his ex-bitch, Kim Mathers, officially retied the knot yesterday, just a month after announcing that the bitch had no longer done him so wrong.
News helicopters hovered overhead and paparazzi congregated outside Meadow Brook Hall as the rapper born Marshall Bruce Mathers III and Kim Mathers arrived by limousine and were whisked inside the 110-room mansion built for auto baron John Dodge’s widow 80 years ago.
“Family and close friends were in attendance, including members of D12, 50 Cent, Obie Trice and members of G-Unit,” Dennehy said. He said D12’s Proof, whose real name is Deshaun Holton, served as best man.
Sounds like a real who’s who of who’s not, who never was and who never will be. I hate to say it, but Eminem is at the head of the least influential crew in all of rap. I swear he’s got some kind of machine that just produces pop rappers by the dozen.
All lame rap non-stars aside, what the hell is wrong with Eminem? His own schtick even wore off years ago. I’ll never deny that he’s incredibly talented, but his talents go to waste, and the fact that his personal drama makes such big headlines goes to show that nobody’s interested in his skills on the mic anymore. I can only assume that he’s remarrying his ex wife despite her freaky-looking ghetto trash lips just so that he can come up with some material for his next album.
For more Eminem fun, stop by his Web site for a ridiculously ego-stroke-tastic and somewhat creepy flash bio video.
Everything you never wanted to know about Alicia
Alicia Keys is one of those artists who wins gazillions of awards, gets her songs played a hundred times a day on pop radio, and yet I don’t think I know anybody who actually listens to her music in any other context. Well since you’re probably not actively listening to her, the powers that be have decided that you need to be fed more Keys.
The coming-of-age story will follow a girl from a biracial family. Keys, 24, was born to a white mother and a black father, who split up when she was two. She was raised in the gritty Hell’s Kitchen area of New York by her mother, started learning classical piano at six, and frequently ventured up to Harlem to absorb the lifestyle.
The story of a girl from a biracial family growing up in the gritty Hell’s Kitchen rapidly gentrifying Clinton neighborhood of New York sounds like it might be interesting, but why Alicia Keys? I hate the say it, but who the hell cares? Why take a half decent premise for a show and ruin it by attaching a non-compelling celebrity name to it that can only serve to limit the scope of the series?
For more fun with Alicia Keys, check out the Wikipedia discussion on her entry there. It makes me wonder if the show planned for UPN will cover her actual life, or the more interesting life that she/her publicist/her label have concocted for her.
One more celebrity gets ‘real’
Reality TV just keeps getting better and better — I think. It’s really hard to say what’s better and what’s worse. It’s hard to even say who qualifies for “washed up celebrity” status these days.
You can add Gene Simmons to the list of famous people willing to put his life on display.
= “Gene Simmons Family Jewels,” featuring Simmons; his partner, Shannon Tweed, a former Playmate of the Year, actress and model; and their kids, Nick and Sophie. Dubuc described the kids as “articulate, funny and bright,” which contrasts with their “wild and crazy” parents. This project follows a one-hour special on Simmons that aired under the “Biography” banner.
Simmons, who is married to the aging, often-naked and sort-of-famous Shannon Tweed, joins the ranks of Nick and Jessica, Reverend Run, Britney and Kevin, Paris and Nicole, the Osbornes and about a thousand other quasi-celebrities who have decided that they’d rather act like asses at home than just perform, like famous people used to do.
I have a feeling that 10 years from now, the music, television and movie studios will have perfected the science of creating new hit singles, TV pilots or teen movies so the latest faces can get their first 14 minutes in, and then quickly shuffle them over to UPN and the WB so they can ride out the remainder of their 15 minutes of fame.
Get ready for “Crap Filter: Unfiltered” coming this fall on Fox.
How does one take back a barf?
As previously reported on the Filter, Vanity Fair has come out with an article and photo spread featuring everyone’s favorite waif, Lindsay Lohan. But Lindsay is not a happy camper. She apparently thinks that reporter Evgenia Peretz is lying and “changing my words”. Now Lindsay’s spokesperson is saying that Lindsay “has never been bulimic or anorexic”.
I can’t wait to see how upset Lindsay really is. A celebrity with a reputation for self-destructive behavior denying such claims is nothing new. But we should wait and see if there is a lawsuit coming for libel or slander. If not, I don’t think we can take Lindsay’s outrage too seriously. We should point out that Lindsay is only upset with this particular reporter, and loves the photo spread that shows of her petite frame. Vanity Fair is standing behind Peretz in this matter. Stay tuned…
Cruise isn’t the only space cadet
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, a.k.a Joliepitt or something like that, have convinced annoying mogul Richard Branson to allow them to be aboard his spaceship, according to Entertainmentwise.com. Branson’s Virgin Galactic Spaceship is set to lift off in 2010.
I’m sure Jolie and Pitt will still be together by then.
The couple have paid £115,000 each to ensure they have a seat on the jet; they will be in the company of Sigourney Weaver, Moby, Robbie Williams and William Shatner among others.
Shouldn’t people like Sigourney Weaver, Moby, Robbie Williams and William Shatner typically fall under the “among others” category? Not a good sign here.
A source told the Daily Star: “Angelina and Brad are fascinated by outer space.”
“The couple will begin astronaut training in two years.”
Space seems great and all, especially when you consider so few humans have had the chance to experience Earth from above, but I’d pass on this trip even if it was free.
The real world that is modeling
Yeah so I’m flipping through a J Crew catalog, which I recently got in the mail, hoping to find out all the kids will be wearing this spring and who should I stumble across but Mallory from “The Real World: Paris” in various swim suits.
She’s a model? What ever happened to her promising career in the “Real World vs. Road Rules Challenge” industry?
After some research online I discovered that she’s also done spreads for Abercrombie & Fitch and was featured in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue!
Where have I been?
A better quesion might be, how the hell is a former MTV reality star actually attaining a successful and respectable career?
Wait, I just looked at her pictures again. OK, that’s how.
All Federline, All The Time, Baby!
In order to keep you loyal readers in the know on the Federline of it all, I took one for the team, and visited Kevin’s official website.
There is not much content here. In fact, there is very little, but it is worth a trip for the flash intro alone. If you don’t have flash, get it, just so you can watch this pathetic thing. It flashes all these tabloid headlines and photos of Kevin and Britney, for about 20 seconds. And these are not good headlines. Most of them are very bad for the couple, Kevin in particular. Eventually the words come across the screen: “Now that I have your full attention, NEVER judge a book by its cover. I’m coming…2006”. Awe yeah, watch out cousin, K-Fed is comin’ ya’ll! He’s bringin’ it! After the text, there is footage of a Champagne cork popping, and two glasses coming together to clink. But instead of a nice toast, they SMASH together! Shards of glass fly, and the intro to the site is over. I am not sure what this means. Possibly a terrible harbinger from the wedding toast maybe?
It is proclaimed that in the coming weeks, the site will give us the opportunity to learn who Kevin REALLY is. He presumably will be trying to burst onto the scene this year as a rap/hip hop artist. The site has a link to his Myspace.com page, and there you can hear a free clip of his new single. The interesting thing about these two sites is a lack of much reference to Britney or their child (or Kevin’s other 2 kids). The tabloid intro shows Britney, but there is no mention of her on the site. In his Myspace photo album there is one picture that shows the side of what I think is Britney’s head. Other than that, K-Fed is flying solo on the net. Could it be that he is going to try to break away from merely being thought of as her sidekick/a father? I mean, he wouldn’t have a baby then leave a woman, would he? I hope that 2006 will be remembered more for him being a devoted father than a pop superstar, but alas, I think I might be disappointed on both counts.
Kathy Griffin makes ‘the list’
Few comedians annoy me the way Kathy Griffin does, so you’d think she’d be the last one whose defense I would come to. But here I am, defending this unfunny hack. 
Turns out a joke she made at last year’s Golden Globe Awards at the expense of wunderkind actress Dakota Fanning has drawn the ire of none other than director Steven Spielberg. According to Griffin:
“I get a call from the lawyers, and they’re, like, ‘DreamWorks is furious about the whole Dakota Fanning thing, and they’re livid, and Spielberg is personally furious, and DreamWorks is putting you on a list, and they demand an apology.’”
For anyone who’s actually seen the clip of the “rehab” joke, you’re more inclined to believe an apology should be made more for the lack of humor than the content. But if Spielberg did, indeed, demand an apology on behalf of Fanning, then that’s just clown shit, man.
Comedians — the funny as well as the dull — can say whatever the hell they want to say. The last time I checked, this was America, land of Freedom of Speech and all that cad, so demanding an apology just makes it seem like you think you’re above everyone else. Just let it go, Steven. The joke sucked anyway. (Besides, E! already canned Griffin for the comment.)
Kevin rivals Direct TV in parenting skills
Is the cupboard bare in the world of celebrity gossip/reporting? PEOPLE is reporting that Lynne Spears (Britney’s Mom) really respects the parenting skills of her daughter, along with proud third-time papa Kevin Federline. According to Spears, “Kevin does change diapers.” Mrs. Spears also is thankful that Britney allows her to hold her own grandchild. She says of Britney, “She’s really picky. She doesn’t let just anybody hold him, but she lets me hold him”.
Are you kidding me? Have normal human behaviors been deemed praise worthy when done by celebrities? Next we are going to be seeing reports where celebrities are praised in a manner thusly: “He’s such a great dad! When our son Banana was playing in the driveway, he took the time to ask him to move, so he didn’t run over him. Not many dads would do that!”
Hard to keep it together these days…
I guess actor+actor=splitsville. CNN is reporting that Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe are separating after 8 years of marriage. The report says they are still going to try to work it out. The only thing that makes me believe there is still hope for the Chadster is the timing, since they didn’t break up right after Hilary’s Oscar winning performance in BOYS DON’T CRY. Normally, the split happens right after one of the spouses’ careers takes off, like with Jennifer Garner and Scott Foley. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you Chad!
And under the heading of “look who keeps F-ing up every chance he’s given”, let’s all chuckle at Marcus Vick’s arrest today.
Glitter charged in Vietnam
The latest Gary Glitter news from the legal vortex that is Vietnam is that he’s been officially charged. Is it just me, or is this story getting less and less interesting? Here’s the only new bit of information in the entire story:
HANOI, Vietnam (AP) — Former British rocker Gary Glitter was formally charged Friday with committing obscene acts with two girls aged 10 and 11 at a Vietnamese resort town, prosecutors said.
Glitter, 61, who won fame as a flamboyant glam rocker in the 1970s, is accused of kissing and engaging in other physical acts with the girls at his rental home in the southern coastal town of Vung Tau, prosecutor Nguyen Van Xung said.
That’s all well and good, but I need details. Disgusting, awful, hilarious details. Give me some allegations, give me something I can make sarcastic comments about. Hell, give me news about that too-short-yet-still-glorious sweater. I love ya, AP, but give me something I can use.
Hello! Drugs are like, uncool and stuff. Duh!
Uber-starlett Lindsay Lohan is doing just fine. She swears. And you can see for yourself, when she poses semi-nude for VANITY FAIR. Classy. Oh just disregard her recent trip to the hospital. Put that out of your mind.
Remember all those rumors about her being on drugs and barfing up food and junk? Remember her denying those? Well, now she has come full circle, admitting to drug experimentation and bulimia. Why didn’t she come clean sooner? According to Lohan “I knew I had a problem and I couldn’t admit it.” You gotta admire her quiet dignity and grace. Just don’t be worried about her. Oh no. If you care about her, you won’t express your concern. That is a pet peeve of Lindsay’s: “Don’t ever say this to me, ‘Are you OK?’ It’s like, ‘Yeah, motherf——-, I’m fine.’ “
What a charming young woman! I think she should write song lyrics or something…
Non-shocking divorce news about ill-conceived union
Part of me wants to say “who the fuck cares” about celebrity marriage and divorce news, but another part of me can come up with something far more clever.
In an absolutely un-stunning turn of non-events, Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are splitting up for good.
LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) — Actor Charlie Sheen and actress Denise Richards have decided to get a divorce, a spokesman for Sheen said on Wednesday, thus ending a highly publicized effort at reconciliation that became fodder for television talk shows and supermarket tabloids.
Sheen spokesman Stan Rosenfield confirmed a report in People magazine on Wednesday that the couple were divorcing but declined to give any details.
Wow, you know that if the tabloids are on the case, it’s got to be big. Hell I barely heard a peep about it until the tabloids finally picked it up.
In all seriousness though, why is this a surprise to anybody? A few years back when they got married, the celebrity-watching world seemed to let out a collective “WTF?”. It’s not that she was out of his league, but more the fact that she’s not a hooker, and as far as I could tell from watching “Wild Things,” there’s absolutely no coke on her ass to snort that really confused everyone.
And thus ends another the celebrity sham marriage gone too far. I just wish that some clever young go-getter at Us Weekly had had the foresight to label the whole thing “Shrichards” or “Chanise.”
When celebrities get married, bad things happen. Just look at how “Braniston” (I just made that up) devolved into “Brangelina.” Messy, messy, messy. “TomKat” is literally (in the non-literal sense) five seconds away from exploding into an ugly mess.
But hey, that’s the breaks in Hollywood. One minute you’re on top, the next minute you’re on bottom and Charlie Sheen is snorting blow off your ass.
“Shrichards” we hardly knew ye.
Year of the dog
Thank the Lord that 2005 is over… a year in which I held two awful jobs (one I am currently vying to leave), TO and injuries ripped my Birds to pieces, annoying dance-rock and Houston shit-hop wouldn’t go away, Dave Chappelle was driven out of America by Oprah and the Nation of Islam, the fat suit became a household phenomenon, TomKat got pregnant, and Nick and Jessica called it quits (if those crazy kids can’t make it, who can?). 2006 (Chinese “Year of the Dog”) has come to the rescue, and here are some of my predictions:
2006 will usher in some musical trends that both don’t suck and aren’t disgustingly repetitive. Sure some dance-rock acts were great this past year, but if I have to hear Banquet by Bloc Party one more time, I may puke… and half of the bands playing this type of music can’t be decyphered from one another. Maybe more underground hip-hop artists will rise and take out Houston (minus Scarface, you can’t take him out because real gangsta-ass niggas play they cards right). AND MAYBE, FINALLY, musical trends ending in “-core” and/or related to overproduced, undertalented emo/pop-punk can die out… but first someone needs to tell Victory Records that Hawthorne Heights sucks. Continues after the jump »
Time to cop a plea for ‘Lost’ ladies
We’ve been sort of lacking in the “Lost” news department lately, what with the show being on one of its ridiculously long hiatuses and all. Danielle won’t be checking in with her preview until next week, but just because the show has taken a break, that doesn’t mean the drama has.
In today’s news, it looks like Cynthia Watros plans to take the quitter’s way out and plead guilty to her Dec. 1 drunken driving charge, which kind of brings an uneventful end to her tale. I expected more out of Michelle Rodriguez somehow, and I wasn’t let down.
Rodriguez, whose post-arrest theatrics rivaled her best onscreen work (“I don’t f—king belong here! Why don’t you just put a gun to my head and shoot me! You’ve already taken my freedom! You might as well take my life too,” she was quoted in the police report), is a different story. Her lawyer, Steve Barta, entered a not guilty plea and her trial was set for March 30.
In true “Lost” fashion, our girl Michelle has decided to stretch this plot way too thin and drag this story out a few more months by pleading not guilty.
I’m no expert on these things, but unless you’re really, really not guilty, it’s probably best to add one more role to your drunken driving resume, get a driver to cart you around, and hit the bottle even harder next time.
The real apprentice
From the New York Daily News comes the news that Donald Trump is considering a run for governor of the Empire State.
Republican sources said The Donald - who in 1999 toyed with the idea of running for the White House on the Reform Party line - is mulling a bid to persuade New Yorkers to hire him as their next governor.
Senate GOP leader Joseph Bruno tantalized reporters yesterday by declaring a wealthy mystery candidate is “thinking” about seeking the party’s backing to replace Gov. Pataki.
If you were wondering, yup, The Donald was the first reference made to Trump in the Daily News article. Continues after the jump »
Gold-digging mom takes PR into her own hands
Earlier this month, our intrepid man in L.A., Andy Tunnicliffe, wrote up a little piece about a Suzan Hughes, the almost-famous, but quite-divorced mother of a kid who is set to inherit $330 million dollars when he turns 35. The boy, Alex, is only 14 now, and his old man died of a drug overdose, so you can understand why she’d want her son to get to that money. The L.A. Times has a good overview of the case from September.
I didn’t think a whole lot about this story at the time, aside from the fact that it looks like her shirt is about to explode in the picture. Then the comments started coming in, and they were in support of her, and accusing the trustees of the boy’s money pile, of being the real crooks.
This sounds like a job for journalism! Continues after the jump »
Gary Glitter gets off on child (rape charge)
Good news this holiday season in Glitter Land, a.k.a Vietnam. If you thought the story of a former glam rocker whose single hit is played regularly at sporting events and was later convicted of owning child porn was was weird, well that’s nothing compared to what’s apparently legal in ‘Nam. Gary Glitter, who has apparently only been photographed five times ever, might be getting a break.
Hanoi (dpa) - Disgraced former glam rock king Gary Glitter has paid $2,000 (about 82,000 baht) each to the families of two Vietnamese girls, ages 11 and 12, who had accused him of coercing them into sex, police and his lawyer said today. The lawyer said authorities will not charge Glitter with rape, meaning he will not face the death penalty.