I Love the 70’s, 80’s , and 90’s
This week’s Netflix include nostalgic looks back to the last three decades — the FF7 reunion Advent Children, the first rap movie ever - Krush Groove, and David Bowie and Nic Roeg’s The Man Who Fell to Earth.
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children just hit DVD last week, but watching it made me instantly remember Christmas morning 9 years ago when I played FF7 for the very first time. Its hard not to feel nostalgic for a game when you had to play it at least 30 hours to make any significant progress. To clarify though, this is not a movie based on the game, but a movie sequel to the game’s story. (FF8-11 are sequels in name only). It’s also an unofficial sequel to The Spirits Within, which it surpasses in every way. Even Tifa looks hotter than Aki Ross (it helps that she’s voiced by Rachel Leigh Cook too).
The opening title card calls this a “reunion,” and that’s what it feels like. All of the main characters make appearances, even Sephiroth and Aerith (voiced by Mena Suvari). The plot concerns 3 Sephiroth clones who are making trouble for the people of Midgar, and the unknown disease spreading over the city like some sort of Mono/AIDS combination. The animation, direction, and action are all spectacular, and its not hard to care for these characters when you WERE them for so long so many years ago. This is the best movie based on a video game I’ve seen (not that there’s much competition), but I’d only give it a minor recommendation to people who aren’t familiar with the game. Also worth noting is the 25 minute piece featuring cut scenes from the original game. I still tear up when Aerith dies.4 out of 5.
This Week’s Netflix
This week’s stash includes the Outback true-horror Wolf Creek, the live action anime Initial D, and the 1980’s classic Broadcast News.
If you read the reviews, Wolf Creek is either the best or worst foreign horror flick of 2005. For me it’s somewhere in the middle (for the record, the scarriest non-US film of last year is The Descent). Wolf Creek itself is actually a giant metor crater in the middle of the Australian Outback, where our 3 main characters are going to for a hiking trip. After their hike, they find their car has broken down. Is the sweet-natured but weird Crocodile Dundee wannabe that helps them out gonna torture and kill the poor hikers? Uh, yeah probably.
Apoclyapse, Horror and Revenge
This week’s Netflix haul includes Michael Haneke’s Time of the Wolf, and a double-dose of Asian horror - Ab-Normal Beauty and The Neighbor No. 13.
Time of the Wolf is French depreso-director Michael Haneke’s post-apolyaptic nightmare starring Isabelle Huppert (officially the oldest woman I’d still hook up with). It’s not a Sci-Fi or Action pic, despite its genre. We never see or learn what exactly caused the apoclyapse. Instead, we follow a mother and her two traumatized children as they search for shelter and safety in the French countryside. The three, along with Huppert’s husband, arrive at their country house at the start of the film. There, Huppert’s husband is immediately killed by a man whose family has taken over the house and doesn’t intend on giving it up.
A Grass Man, a Karate Kid, and some Dolls
This week’s Netflix haul include Johnny Knoxville in Daltry Calhoun, The Karate Kid Part II (no introduction needed), and another Takeshi Kitano film - Dolls.
Daltry Calhoun went straight to video last month, despite star Johnny Knoxville and exec producer Quentin Tarantino. Knoxville plays a small town millionaire whose golf course grass seed business is slowly collapsing. His life turns around when his terminally ill ex (Elizabeth Banks) shows up with his 14 year old daughter he never knew. If you’ve ever asked yourself what would happen if Cameron Crowe wrote and directed an Adam Sandler movie, this is the answer. No one embarrasses themselves here, even Juliette Lewis manages to be sexy for a few minutes. Unfortunately, there’s just not that much here to recommend. Knoxville barely has anything to do, and the humor is so downplayed that it’s nearly non-existant. It’s sweet-natured though, instead of the sap fest it could have been, so I’m giving it 2.5 out of 5.
Catching Up on Last Week
This week’s mailings included Takeshi Kitano’s Brother, Visconti’s The Leopard, and the final discs of Nip/Tuck Season 2.
Brother is Takeshi Kitano’s last, though probably not final, gangster pic. As always he writes, directs, and stars. This time he plays a laconic lone wolf Yakuza (hard to believe, but true). The twist is that it takes place mostly in LA. After his gang in Tokyo is decimated, Kitano relocates to the US to reconnect with his younger brother, now a small time drug pusher. In a matter of weeks, the trigger happy Kitano takes over a good chunk of LA. He also becomes blood brothers with Omar Epps, learns a few words in English, and ventilates dozens of mobsters. Things end typically for a Kitano movie, but he’s definitely upped the entertainment factor with this one. Films like Sonatine and Hana-bi are deeper, but there’s no denying the joy of seeing Epps and Kitano fuck with a old Mafia boss. One warning, the US version has been trimmed to remove some bloody effects. Thanks MPAA for keeping the art house safe for kids. 4 out of 5
Where the Truth Lies
- Where the Truth Lies
- Some highbrow trash to get the bad Crash taste out of your mouth...
I’ve never really meant this column to be about real DVD/film reviewing. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to handle that responsibility. I’m just writing about my Netflix queue, trying to inform you lovely readers on whether or not to add a particular DVD to your personal queue. Sometimes I feel like I need to go deep to provide this service (see my Crash piece). Other times, I feel like I can make my point a little easier. For example, my column for Where the Truth Lies could just say this:
“Girl in Alice in Wonderland dress goes down on Alison Lohman, naked.”
or this:
“See the girl from Clueless (the TV show, not the movie) in a threesome”
Not to be presumptuous, but I feel that a good part of this site’s readership would toss this in their queue after reading that. If you care for any more discussion about the movie, make the jump.
Nip/Tuck Season 2, Disc 3
- Nip/Tuck Season 2, Disc 3
- Everything is out in the open in this emotionally devastating middle chunk of season 2. First mention of The Carver too.
Most TV Dads seem to fall into either the good-hearted buffoon role or the holier than thou, never made a mistake voice of reason. See most every sitcom for the former (my own dad asked once why they don’t change the category from “sitcom” to “stupid dads”). The fathers on the WB are good examples of the latter. Shows like 7th Heaven try to create these modern day Atticus Finch archetypes that ultimately ring false.
But if I had to choose our generation’s Atticus Finch, it would be Nip/Tuck’s Sean McNamara. Yes, our generation’s Atticus has tied meat to a mobster’s corpse in order to lure alligators, but would you expect any less? The real Atticus had a tough court case, but the morality was pretty easy to discern. He didn’t have to deal with Latino gangs, a midlife crisis, or separating two conjoined twins….and he definitely didn’t have a partner that fucked half his clientele.
Domino
- Domino
- Tony Scott remakes himself again, this time on peyote. Keira gets left in the dust.
Remember how insane it was in True Romance when all of the various plot lines climaxed in a multi-way shoot out in that posh hotel room? Almost everyone got shot, couches and tables exploded with gunfire, and, in a interesting move for an action movie, the main characters just crawled around trying to get the fuck out of the place. Then remember how Tony Scott did that again in Enemy of the State (probably not)? Well guess what, that’s how Domino ends too.
Domino is the epitome of Tony Scott’s current throw-everything-to-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks style of filmmaking. You have to wonder if Scott even shows up on set…his recent films look like collaborations between music video cinematographers and AVID editors who have downloaded way too many plug-ins.
Zero Woman: Red Handcuffs
- Zero Woman: Red Handcuffs
- Miki Sugimoto out-Chibas Sonny in another Japanese technicolor gore-noir from the 70's.
Japanese exploitation films, especially those of the 1970’s were pretty nasty stuff. Rape, dismemberment, gun shots to the eyes, and bad stage blood mixes abound. However, compared to American crime films from the same period, the Japanese seemingly have art direction and cinematography right up there with West Side Story. Bright reds and greens make the screen look like a Crayola 8-pack and the attention to detail is almost unnecessary. Our lead’s gun, handcuffs, raincoat, and blood are all exactly the same shade of red (not blood red, surprisingly).
Zero Woman is an ongoing Japanese fem-sploitation series, and Red Handcuffs has frequently been listed as one of the best. In this outting Miki Sugimoto plays Zero. Miki has also starred of such classics as Tokugawa Sex Ban: Lustful Lord, Hot Springs Mimizu Geisha, and Hot Springs Kiss Geisha (she plays Prostitute with Strong Vagina Muscles in that last film). She’s gorgeous, but doesn’t necessarily convey a lot of emotion. It works for her character, a cop who killed an American diplomat in the line of duty, and who is now forced to covertly take on kidnappers.
Nip/Tuck Season 2, Disc 2
- Nip/Tuck Season 2, Disc 2
- Secrets from as far back as last season are finally revealed in this block of episodes centered around fatherhood.
Christian fights for his adopted son and Sean has a near-death experience which prolongs his neverending midlife crisis in this block of three episodes. Meanwhile, Julia finally releases the secret she’s been holding onto for 17 years, and Matt gets a life coach (Famke Janssen). Spoilers after the jump.
Doom
- Doom
- Five minutes are worth watching, otherwise just keep playing your old game...no walking mechanical spider brains here. IDDQD!
When you check out Doom on IMDb, the site automatically recommends Day of the Dead at the bottom of the page. You might think that its just a programming error, like Wal-Mart’s Planet of the Apes / Black History Month fuck up, but its not. Doom is a zombie movie, one that takes place in an underground bunker, so its completely reasonable that IMDb would suggest Day of the Dead as a similar film.
If you’ve ever actually played one of Doom’s video game incarnations however, you’re sure to be disappointed by this adaptation. There’s about as much original video game storyline in this as in Super Mario Bros. The movie instead steals from Resident Evil, and of course Cameron’s omnipresent Aliens to fill in the cookie cutter script. Gone are the Mars landscapes, open air temples, and 95% of the alien bad guys. All we get is the BFG and 5 minutes of first person action (which, admittedly, bumped my review up a star).
Continues after the jump »
Effects
- Effects
- This unearthed horror indie from Pittsburgh's horror boom period unfortunately fails to live up to its peers.
I really wanted to come out and give this one the big thumbs up…at least 3 stars, maybe 4. I’m feeling especially close to Pittsburgh this week, after all. I was excited to check out Effects, a Pittsburgh indie horror flick from the early 80’s, recently released for the first time commercially by Synapse films. Problems with the distribution company kept this film off screens, save a few festival runs, until this year.
Unfortunately, Effects, has more in common with George A. Romero’s Season of the Witch than any of his classic Burgh-based horror films. The story revolves around a sinister low-budget horror director who secretly turns his shoot into a hidden camera snuff film, with his cinematographer in the lead role.
Continues after the jump »
Nip/Tuck - Season 2 Disc 1
- Nip/Tuck Season 1 Disc 2
- Season 2 continues with Drs. Troy and McNamara turning 40. Don't worry, there's still plenty of blood and sex.
Before we get started, let’s get something out of the way first. I will not be checking the comments for this piece. Paranoia has gripped me since I saw the first episode of Nip/Tuck about two months ago —- I must not find out who The Carver is. I gotta make it all the way to the end of season 3 without seeing any spoilers, so talkbacks are a definite no-no.
CRASH (2004)
- Crash (2004)
- Five years later, Hollywood finally manages to rip off Magnolia with the help of the creator of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Ok, ok settle down… finally, here is the first post of my ongoing column reviewing my Netflix queue. I promise you things will get very weird as the envelopes fly back and forth from the shipping center in Flushing. However, we start with the most populist of the recently nominated films for Best Picture, Paul Haggis’ paint-by-numbers pseudo-epic, Crash.
Haggis, former writer of 80’s sitcoms and 90’s geriatric Kung-Fu westerns, took all the heavy-handedness he crammed into the last half hour of Million Dollar Baby and spreads it out over two hours. What he creates is an abundantly “important,” yet emotionally laughable rip off of Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia.
Continues after the jump »
The Comedians of Comedy
- The Comedians of Comedy
- Tour doc following four of the funniest comedians in the country during a 2004 mini-tour of rock clubs along the west coast.
- Rent the DVD on Netflix
- Catch the film on Showtime
One of the biggest problems with stand-up comedy today is that the general perception still sees it as a fossil of the 1980s. From club owners that still hope for another weekend like that one in 1984 when the joint was so hot they auctioned off seats on the floor and everyone bought 35 drinks apiece, to the casual audience members that INSIST that every yukster on the stage is just a shoulder-pad sport jacketed buffoon with a wacky impression of a police siren and a barrage of airline food jokes. While there are still some people out there that market in this tripe, I have some good news: that almost all died in the 90s, and what grew from its ashes was a phoenix of comedy that is just now beginning to shine as brightly as it initially promised. Proof of this comedy renaissance can be found in the Netflix-exclusive DVD documentary, The Comedians of Comedy. Continues after the jump »
This aggression will not stand, man
Colin over at The Uber Geeks has an excellent post about how studios have been releasing DVDs with few or no extra features these days. I was all set just to comment over there before I realized I had a lot to say on this topic.
Stuff like this is due to a few things. One is pressure from rental companies like Netflix and Blockbuster. Features give you added value, and a reason to buy instead of rent. Think back to the VHS days… only the biggest movies got a heavy push for VHS sales. Most VHS tapes cost around $100 each because they were intended for the rental market, not home purchase.
The other big reason behind removing features is greed. DVD sales are gravy for the studios. The few thousand dollars it might cost to put together a DVD is pocket change to a movie studio. In most cases these movies paid for themselves in their theater run long ago.
Studios are keeping the features off to get people to buy them twice, plain and simple. They’re not looking out for consumers at all. Continues after the jump »
Trapped In The Closet - Chapters 1-12
- Trapped In The Closet - Chapters 1-12
- R. Kelly's ridiculous fever dream revives the musical serial format.
- You know you want to buy it at Amazon
Unless you’ve been living in a hole upside-down, you’ve heard of the unbelievably strange ‘Trapped In The Closet’ saga that everyone’s favorite bukakke pedarest R. Kelly unleashed upon the masses this past summer. As a precursor to his curiously titled album TP3: Reloaded, Kelly created a mini-drama of 5 songs performed over the same music bed, where a cheating husband is found by a gay preacher and then is pulled over while driving home by the police officer that is sleeping with his wife. The public was so ridiculously excited to hear each of the next installments, each released to radio 2 weeks after the previous, that stations were touting the premiere of the next episode as if it were the most important thing ever given to aural transmission. Consider the whole situation a viral marketer’s ultimate wet dream.
The success of the saga led to Kelly premiering the ‘Closet’ videos in a theatre in his hometown of Chicago before vowing to make more chapters. This promise is fulfilled in the recently released DVD Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12, an unbelievable mind-fuck of a collection that is so bizarre that I can’t imagine any person NOT owning it.
Beavis and Butt-Head do DVD right
- The Mike Judge Collection, Vol. 1
- America's two dumbest teenagers return in a collection of episodes hand-picked by Mike Judge.
- Check it on Amazon
In March of 1993 I stayed home from school the day “Beavis and Butt-Head” premiered and I have to say that it was one of the best television experiences of my life.
The crude exploits of the two dumbest teenagers to ever exist were a staple of my life — and many other 20-somethings, I’m sure — for the next five years. Their media empire could not be avoided: clothing, CDs, toys, books, a feature film; there were precious few people who didn’t know who these two were. Then, in late 1997, Mike Judge closed the book on the duo, and the media saturation that was once unavoidable had now been shuffled off to the clearance racks of Spencer Gifts nationwide to make way for all the crazy new South Park merchandise the kids were going ga-ga over.
In the ensuing television archival boom that came with DVD, a Beavis and Butt-Head collection seemed like a no-brainer. A show about media-obsessed teenagers that wound up shaping the pop culture landscape itself? Duh. Unfortunately, several behind-the-scenes issues, like Mike Judge being at odds with Viacom and retaining the rights to the massive number of music videos the boys watched have kept us from having a truly definitive collection of episodes — until now. Continues after the jump »
