Jackman promises more Logan
Yes, Crap Filter lives! Don’t worry kids, we’re going to resume publishing on a regular schedule with a new, less “bloggy” design very soon. In the meantime, here’s a little something to make you happy:
AMSTERDAM (Hollywood Reporter) - Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine will headline a spinoff of 20th Century Fox’s “X-Men” franchise.
At international industry conference Cine Expo, the studio promised the gathered exhibitors a Jackman starrer titled “Wolverine” for next year. Jackman himself sent the conventioneers a taped promise to back up the news.
Yeah, I know this isn’t exactly groundbreaking news, but it’s nice to have some solid confirmation. Click the link if you want, but those three sentences are the entire article.
Optimus Prime Test Footage
Thoughts?
‘Knight Rider’ coming to the big screen
You wanted it, you got it! Oh, you didn’t really want it? You just said it might be kind of cool? Well, you’re still getting it. The timeless story of an idiot and his talking car, “Knight Rider” will be making its way to a theater near you in a not-too-distant summer blockbuster season, according to a Hollywood Reporter article on CNN.
Larson has bandied about the project for years. “A number of people wanted to do a pure comedic send-up of it, but I always felt that would throw away the franchise,” he said. “There was always some humor on the show, but this film will probably have more gallows, foxhole humor.
Despite the darker tone, he said he would aim for a PG-13 rating because he doesn’t want to exclude the series’ core audience. The show ran on NBC from 1982-86.
I’m pretty sure that the show’s core audience can handle an R-rating, considering that they’re all in their 20s and 30s now, but whatever. PG-13 sounds about right for a talking car movie. Expect to see a really kick ass trailer that has nothing to do with the movie sometime later today.
I Love the 70’s, 80’s , and 90’s
This week’s Netflix include nostalgic looks back to the last three decades — the FF7 reunion Advent Children, the first rap movie ever - Krush Groove, and David Bowie and Nic Roeg’s The Man Who Fell to Earth.
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children just hit DVD last week, but watching it made me instantly remember Christmas morning 9 years ago when I played FF7 for the very first time. Its hard not to feel nostalgic for a game when you had to play it at least 30 hours to make any significant progress. To clarify though, this is not a movie based on the game, but a movie sequel to the game’s story. (FF8-11 are sequels in name only). It’s also an unofficial sequel to The Spirits Within, which it surpasses in every way. Even Tifa looks hotter than Aki Ross (it helps that she’s voiced by Rachel Leigh Cook too).
The opening title card calls this a “reunion,” and that’s what it feels like. All of the main characters make appearances, even Sephiroth and Aerith (voiced by Mena Suvari). The plot concerns 3 Sephiroth clones who are making trouble for the people of Midgar, and the unknown disease spreading over the city like some sort of Mono/AIDS combination. The animation, direction, and action are all spectacular, and its not hard to care for these characters when you WERE them for so long so many years ago. This is the best movie based on a video game I’ve seen (not that there’s much competition), but I’d only give it a minor recommendation to people who aren’t familiar with the game. Also worth noting is the 25 minute piece featuring cut scenes from the original game. I still tear up when Aerith dies.4 out of 5.
Original Star Wars DVDs are coming for real
OK, so I guess I’m going to have to eat my own words — but only some of them. It’s true that they are coming out on DVD, and they’re going to pull a Disney, which means they’ll only be out for a limited time, and basically scare you into buying them before time runs out.
I just ran across the story over on Yahoo!, but I’ve also got to tip my hat to commenter Volker, whose comment I saw just as I was heading back here to post the news.
I’m not, however, going to take back what I said about nobody wanting to watch the ewoks singing or the crappily cut-out ships in every space battle in “A New Hope.” I may sound like a heretic to other Star Wars fanboys out there, but with only a few minor exceptions (Jabba’s palace dance number, Temeura Morrison’s voice, Solo shooting first), the Special Editions are infinitely more watchable. And who wouldn’t be excited for Dolby 2.0! Turn your subwoofers off for this one, kids!
Here’s the the announcement straight from the Sarlacc’s mouth.
And yes, I’ll be buying them.
Non-Special Edition Star Wars coming to DVD?
Look, don’t shoot the messenger when this turns out to be a load of crap, but The Digital Bits seems pretty confident that the original Star Wars films will be coming to DVD this year.
This is no joke and we’ve bent over backwards to confirm it’s the real deal. Our very best industry sources have been checking in over the last couple of days - independently, I might add - with word that Lucasfilm and 20th Century Fox are finally going to be releasing the original theatrical versions of the Star Wars films on DVD… good old regular DVD… sometime in the second half of this year. You read that right - the original THEATRICAL versions. THIS year.
I don’t buy it for a second. Yes, we’re all nostalgic for seeing Greedo shoot first, and yes, the musical number in “Jedi” was far, far worse than anything Jar-Jar was capable of, but be honest here. Do you really want to see those outlines around the Star Destroyers. These will be fun for about five minutes, and then you’ll realize that they haven’t aged well. Nobody’s going to miss Jabba and Solo’s encounter in Docking Bay 94, but who’s really longing to see the big Ewok jamboree again?
In short, they’ll sell like crazy, and then sit on a lot of DVD shelves, unwatched. Not that it’ll really matter because I don’t believe this for a second. Sorry.
Tribeca Film Festival: Week 1
ALEX: The Tribeca Film Festival started last week, though for the first time Lower Manhattan isn’t the only host to the festivities. Films are screening in such far off destinations as 34th St. and Lincoln Center. It’s an odd vibe for the festival which once occupied only a few blocks near Battery Park. There are an overwhelming number of choices too. In this piece, Michele and I are gonna tear through our first block of films, which seemingly star all of Young Hollywood.
First up is Fifty Pills, starring Lou Pucci, Kristen Bell, and John Hensley (aka Thumbsucker, Veronica Mars, and Matt McNamara of Nip/Tuck). Pucci is in danger of getting kicked out of NYU if he doesn’t come up with the last $1000 of owed tuition, and all he has to raise the money are the titular fifty hits of ecstasy.
MICHELE: I had been really excited to see this movie, since it had such a great cast. Lou Pucci was great in Thumbsucker, and John Hensley is my younger crush in Nip/Tuck. After Pucci’s roommate, played by Hensley, throws yet another party & gets busted, Pucci loses his scholarship & must pay back around a $1,000. This first off seemed impractical to me. You lose your scholarship half way through the semester & you only have to pay the remaining money? Last I checked, you had to pay it ALL back. But I digress. Hensley sets him up with the 50 pills (of ecstasy) as a way of making the situation better. For me this just doesn’t work- what dealer would just give 50 pills to sell, along with a beeper & tell him good luck? Only one who had a death wish from his supplier.
New ‘Superman Returns’ trailer in QuickTime
For those of you keeping count, this is the second full trailer for “Superman Returns.”
I’ll finally admit that I’m starting to get excited for this movie. Yeah, I know, I talked some crap on it back in like November, but this honestly does look good.
Head over to Apple’s trailers page to check it out in glorious HD QuickTime.
New X-Men 3 footage on the net
Ready to see Wolverine chop off a Sentinel’s head? I thought so.
With the addition of so many new mutants, I’m sort of worried about X-Men getting hokey, but X2 was damn near flawless, so this still gets the benefit of the doubt. It looks kind of crappy, but it’s probably recorded from The Tonight Show or something. I didn’t really bother to find out. I’m still excited for the movie, but I’m a little more cautious than I was two minutes ago.
Inconceivable!
Cynthia McKinney, a congresswoman from Georgia, fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is never get involved in a land war is Asia, but only slightly less well known is this one. Never walk away from an interview, without removing or turning off your microphone! As Frank Drebin was caught once, so now is the congresswoman, who was heard making a disparaging remark about an aide. The remark was not as bad as some might have you believe. The real best part is that after that, she tried to go back and tell the interviewer that the slip up was off the record. Of course the newspeople essentially said “T.S.”, and now we all get to hear the gaffe. You can enjoy the delightfulness here.
This Week’s Netflix
This week’s stash includes the Outback true-horror Wolf Creek, the live action anime Initial D, and the 1980’s classic Broadcast News.
If you read the reviews, Wolf Creek is either the best or worst foreign horror flick of 2005. For me it’s somewhere in the middle (for the record, the scarriest non-US film of last year is The Descent). Wolf Creek itself is actually a giant metor crater in the middle of the Australian Outback, where our 3 main characters are going to for a hiking trip. After their hike, they find their car has broken down. Is the sweet-natured but weird Crocodile Dundee wannabe that helps them out gonna torture and kill the poor hikers? Uh, yeah probably.
The “Other Stripper” Exposes herself
There was news today in the Duke Lacrosse team rape thing. I guess the other stripper at the party is coming out in support of her coworker, and professing the guilt of the players, despite being in the bathroom at the time. I was pleased to learn that Syracuse University (go Orange!) has refused to accept any lacrosse players wishing to transfer there. The rape accusations aside, this team was in trouble all the time, so I don’t want them at my alma mater. The really perplexing thing about this case is why this second woman is a stripper. Going only off this picture, she wouldn’t get many $1 bills off of me. But being that she imbezzled thousands of dollars in the past, probably a good idea not to give her any of my money anyway.
Cremaster 4 and Cremaster 5
This week, Michele and Alex take on Matthew Barney’s Cremaster 4 and 5, which played at a midnight screening last weekend in Manhattan.
Michele: For years I have heard of Matthew Barney’s Cremaster Cycle- The masterpiece that it is, etc. I had viewed some of his art, unrelated to this particular project at the MOMA, and was impressed by it, but always sort of wondered about the conceptualization of his art. The Cremaster series is comprised of 5 levels, all based on the Cremaster muscle (a muscle that covers the testis).
For a while, I even had a copy of “The Order” a 30 minute selection of the Cremaster at my disposal. I am sort of glad that I didn’t watch it, since apparently it is only a portion of Cremaster 3. So I had no idea what to really expect in video form when Alex & I went to see Cremaster 4 & Cremaster 5 this weekend.
Alex: I’ve seen The Order before, which is 30 minutes of the 3 hour long 3rd Cremaster. Part 4 is actually the first of the cycle that Barney created. It runs only about 40 minutes. The piece crosscuts between a motorcycle race in opposite directions on the Isle of Man, while a Satyr (Barney) journeys to meet the race at its midpoint. Naked, painted female bodybuilders, underground caverns, and lots of petroleum jelly ensue.
Brick
Last Friday, my girlfriend Michele and I caught the opening of Rian Johnson’s teen detective film, Brick. Coleman- hook us up with a co-login! Yes, I am flooding this site. Some spoilers below…
MICHELE: When Brick premiered at Sundance in 2005, it was one of the sleeper hits of the festival. Little was known about the plot, aside from it being a murder mystery in a high school setting. And that it starred Joseph Gordon–Levitt, who has just had a brilliant performance in Mysterious Skin and Lukas Haas, who appears in movies occasionally.
At Sundance, Brick was one of the hardest tickets to get. As a result, the Sundance Jury presented a special award to Director Rian Johnson- the Special Jury Prize for Originality of Vision. After seeing this movie, you understand why.
Brick is not intended to be your average high school teen drama. You get that immediately when the dialogue instantly starts up. Spoken in style coated in slang, the movie forces you to think, and think quickly to keep up with the info that is provided. While not everything is clear, as long as you follow along, you are able to figure out what is going on. But even in times when you can’t figure out what was just said, it doesn’t bother you. The lines are written & spoken in such fluidity that it is easy on the ear, almost reminding you of iambic pentameter.
Apoclyapse, Horror and Revenge
This week’s Netflix haul includes Michael Haneke’s Time of the Wolf, and a double-dose of Asian horror - Ab-Normal Beauty and The Neighbor No. 13.
Time of the Wolf is French depreso-director Michael Haneke’s post-apolyaptic nightmare starring Isabelle Huppert (officially the oldest woman I’d still hook up with). It’s not a Sci-Fi or Action pic, despite its genre. We never see or learn what exactly caused the apoclyapse. Instead, we follow a mother and her two traumatized children as they search for shelter and safety in the French countryside. The three, along with Huppert’s husband, arrive at their country house at the start of the film. There, Huppert’s husband is immediately killed by a man whose family has taken over the house and doesn’t intend on giving it up.
The Belladonna of Sadness
Hey everyone…here’s another CRAP FILTER movie review column. My girlfriend Michele and I have been checking out a lot of revival screenings and film festivals, and we’ll be co-reviewing some of these films right here in this column…HE SAID, SHE SAID “SHUT UP”
ALEX: I don’t think Michele and I really knew what to expect going into the “Belladonna of Sadness”, other than that Belladonna wasn’t in it. Last weekend we attended the Museum of Sex exhibition Peeping, Probing & Porn: Four Centuries of Graphic Sex in Japan. It had some anime, but it was all big-eye hentai stuff.
Belladonna of Sadness is over 30 years old. Thursday’s screening at KBG Bar was the first time it was screened in the US. You can tell its age because its production style was closer to The Adventures of David the Gnome than Neon Genesis Evangelion.
MICHELE: Anime was still in its infancy stage at this period and it shows. The film is primarily still shots, occasionally panning across, to give the feeling of fluidity. Only during “important” scenes, such as all of the sex scenes, was the anime we know of today used.
A new dimension for Superman
When I think of one-dimensional superheroes, I think Superman. He can do anything, has every possible power, and is basically indestructible, except when there’s kryptonite involved, which, as it turns out, is surprisingly often. Still, that’s not to say that Superman isn’t entertaining and that I’m not looking forward to the new non-primary-color underwear movie.
Back to my point here, Superman is one-dimensional no more.
Warner Bros. Pictures announced Thursday that the Man of Steel will be coming at you this summer. When Superman Returns opens June 30 in wide release, the film is also going to be shown on IMAX screens, with 20 minutes of the action converted into 3D.
That sounds pretty cool, but it really sounds like more of a gimmick of anything. Why is it only 20 minutes? If it turns out well, it’ll be a bummer for the other hour and a half. If it sucks, it’ll be a good way to ruin a $15 IMAX movie.
Or will it maybe be a total of 20 minutes when you add up explosions and Superman flying toward the screen?
Thank You for Not Sucking
Over the weekend I had the pleasure of seeing the feature film THANK YOU FOR SMOKING. You see, my wife had some “girlfriends” over, and I had to vacate the abode. While they were presumably having lingerie clad pillow fights, I headed on down to the local Cineplex. I didn’t know what I was going to see when I got there, so I checked the big board. I discovered that for the most part, I either had seen it, or prejudged its assumed suckitude. THANK YOU FOR SMOKING was the easy choice.
The jist of the story is that we are following Nick, a lobbyist for the tobacco industry, as he goes about his job, and takes care of his son. The main thrust of the piece is not really about tobacco or nicotine, but the nature of lobbying, and business in general. Nick makes the point that as long as you can argue well, you are never wrong. He uses sometimes dirty tactics to win over his critics, or at least to make fools of them in front of large television audiences. The fact that his client is big tobacco just puts Nick in the same position as (some might say) a defense attorney trying to get an acquittal for his rapist client. As the audience, it is our job to decide if he is just doing his job, or if he is selling his soul. I really liked the fact that the movie didn’t try to make this decision for me. It didn’t even seem to make the decision for the main character. Our hero has his doubts, but it is not so over the top as to have him become enlightened, and become a shark style lobbyist for the America Lung Association. Continues after the jump »
A Grass Man, a Karate Kid, and some Dolls
This week’s Netflix haul include Johnny Knoxville in Daltry Calhoun, The Karate Kid Part II (no introduction needed), and another Takeshi Kitano film - Dolls.
Daltry Calhoun went straight to video last month, despite star Johnny Knoxville and exec producer Quentin Tarantino. Knoxville plays a small town millionaire whose golf course grass seed business is slowly collapsing. His life turns around when his terminally ill ex (Elizabeth Banks) shows up with his 14 year old daughter he never knew. If you’ve ever asked yourself what would happen if Cameron Crowe wrote and directed an Adam Sandler movie, this is the answer. No one embarrasses themselves here, even Juliette Lewis manages to be sexy for a few minutes. Unfortunately, there’s just not that much here to recommend. Knoxville barely has anything to do, and the humor is so downplayed that it’s nearly non-existant. It’s sweet-natured though, instead of the sap fest it could have been, so I’m giving it 2.5 out of 5.
Snakes on a logo
If you think “Snakes on a Plane” sounds like a good idea for a movie, then you’re probably going to love the logo. It’s literally snakes on a plane. Snakes on a Plane, man.
Via I Watch Stuff.
V for Verisimilitude
V FOR VENDETTA scored a solid win at the weekend box office, despite the presence of March Madness, and St. Patrick’s Day hangover. I saw the film on a quiet Sunday morning, with not more than 25 other people in the theater. Having read the graphic novel V FOR VENDETTA (and enjoyed it) in advance, I wanted the film to live up to that experience. It should be noted that original comic writer Alan Moore did not want to be credited for the film, and has distanced himself from it.
Having let us all down with the Matrix sequels, the Wachowski brothers succeed here in producing a film, along with Joel Silver, that I found solidly entertaining, and will hopefully make people think. After all, the best a piece of art or media can achieve (aside from the entertainment) is to spur the audience to thought, and perhaps even toward positive action. That is not to say that seeing this movie should make you want to blow up government buildings. I sincerely hope it does not. Rather, I hope many people find the ending of the film as hopeful as I did, and the whole experience a first step in political discussion. The specifics of the explosions in the film are not as important to me as the ideas that they represent, because as V puts it, “ideas are bulletproof”. I gotta admit though, the climactic scene is pretty cool.
The obvious criticism is already coming from the political right, who charge that this film is nothing but a left wing call for anarchy. Film critic Michael Medved: “Five years after 9/11, we get our first big studio, big budget extravaganza making the case of suicidal terrorism as the ultimate form of heroism.” I wonder if Michael saw the same film I did, because in the film I saw, no one committed suicide. Continues after the jump »
Catching Up on Last Week
This week’s mailings included Takeshi Kitano’s Brother, Visconti’s The Leopard, and the final discs of Nip/Tuck Season 2.
Brother is Takeshi Kitano’s last, though probably not final, gangster pic. As always he writes, directs, and stars. This time he plays a laconic lone wolf Yakuza (hard to believe, but true). The twist is that it takes place mostly in LA. After his gang in Tokyo is decimated, Kitano relocates to the US to reconnect with his younger brother, now a small time drug pusher. In a matter of weeks, the trigger happy Kitano takes over a good chunk of LA. He also becomes blood brothers with Omar Epps, learns a few words in English, and ventilates dozens of mobsters. Things end typically for a Kitano movie, but he’s definitely upped the entertainment factor with this one. Films like Sonatine and Hana-bi are deeper, but there’s no denying the joy of seeing Epps and Kitano fuck with a old Mafia boss. One warning, the US version has been trimmed to remove some bloody effects. Thanks MPAA for keeping the art house safe for kids. 4 out of 5
You have plans for May 26
Just in case you were planning to not see “X-Men: The Last Stand” on May 26, I submit for your approval the theatrical trailer. Prepare for lots of hot mutant-on-mutant violence followed by mutant crying and then pure glee. If the trailer is any indication (I know, trailers are rarely any indication), this one will beat out “X2”, which itself was an anomoly in that it was clearly better than the original film (which wasn’t bad either).
I’m finding it harder and harder to get excited about the recent glut of comic-film adaptations, but the gems like “X2” and “Batman Begins” keep me coming back for more. I’m predicting another winner for the X-Men series.
Hidden agenda
- Cache
- A beautifully shot French suspense film with many twists and few answers.
The English translation of the French movie “Cache” is “Hidden.” Ironically, this movie is left way too open for even my taste.
I like any kind of art that provokes intellectual stimulation, even if sometimes that stimulation comes with no conclusions or answers. Usually, I abide by the belief that the more abstract the art, the better, or the more surreal the art, the better. Blurring the line between reality and non-reality is always fun too, unless you’re featured in Oprah’s Book Club.
So why did I feel empty leaving “Cache?” Continues after the jump »
Where the Truth Lies
- Where the Truth Lies
- Some highbrow trash to get the bad Crash taste out of your mouth...
I’ve never really meant this column to be about real DVD/film reviewing. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to handle that responsibility. I’m just writing about my Netflix queue, trying to inform you lovely readers on whether or not to add a particular DVD to your personal queue. Sometimes I feel like I need to go deep to provide this service (see my Crash piece). Other times, I feel like I can make my point a little easier. For example, my column for Where the Truth Lies could just say this:
“Girl in Alice in Wonderland dress goes down on Alison Lohman, naked.”
or this:
“See the girl from Clueless (the TV show, not the movie) in a threesome”
Not to be presumptuous, but I feel that a good part of this site’s readership would toss this in their queue after reading that. If you care for any more discussion about the movie, make the jump.
Domino
- Domino
- Tony Scott remakes himself again, this time on peyote. Keira gets left in the dust.
Remember how insane it was in True Romance when all of the various plot lines climaxed in a multi-way shoot out in that posh hotel room? Almost everyone got shot, couches and tables exploded with gunfire, and, in a interesting move for an action movie, the main characters just crawled around trying to get the fuck out of the place. Then remember how Tony Scott did that again in Enemy of the State (probably not)? Well guess what, that’s how Domino ends too.
Domino is the epitome of Tony Scott’s current throw-everything-to-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks style of filmmaking. You have to wonder if Scott even shows up on set…his recent films look like collaborations between music video cinematographers and AVID editors who have downloaded way too many plug-ins.
Crap Filter coming at you from NY Comic-Con!
Just a little heads up to our faithful readers that Crap Filter will be reporting from Comic-Con this weekend at the Javits Center in the Big Apple. What info will we uncover? Who will we meet? What free crap will we be guilted into taking? Stay tuned to find the answers to these and other pressing questions, because we’re assuming that inquiring minds probably want to know.
Loony Tunes in Power
We all know China is a bastion of human rights violations and government control. Political dissidents are routinely jailed, and even the Internet is heavily censored. (which means Crapfilter might not work there…those bastards!) But those things seem unimportant now, as it has come to light that Chinese citizens can’t even get their Jessica Rabbit fix!
According to an article in today’s Daily Variety by Steven Schwankert, the Chinese Government has decided that films and TV shows that portray humans interacting with animated characters are forbidden. Movies like “Space Jam” and “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” are apparently dangerous for the Chinese public. Some claim this is a move to bolster domestic animation production. If that is true, one would think they would just ban all foreign animation, rather than isolating human/cartoon interaction. Are movies like “Mary Poppins” known to encourage dissent? This government also banned the film “Babe”, because talking animals were thought to be confusing to viewers. Way to go China. Hey international community, let’s all reward this government for their lunacy by giving them the Olympic games. Oh wait…
Let us not forget that the U.S. states that voted for the government in power now (the one that likes domestic wire-tapping sans warrants) are referred to as “red” states. Just a reminder.
Fans up in arms over blond Bond
I think we all saw this coming. I just didn’t know there was any organized movement of Bond fans to make it happen. James Bond fans are threatening to boycott “Casino Royale” over the choice of Daniel Craig to play the suave secret agent. Like any threatened boycott these days, this one’s on the web.
The site rounds up all the reasons why Craig is wrong for the role, including the facts that he just looks wrong, and he’s made a quasi-name for himself by playing the wrong kind of roles. They gush over Brosnan to a degree that makes me question whether it’s actually Brosnan coordinating this campaign, but at least it’s funny. They’re not totally anti-Craig, just anti-Craig-as-Bond. They even go so far as to offer up suggestions for roles he would be perfect to play.
And you know what? I think they’re right. As cartoonish as the series has become, I think Pierce Brosnan was a good Bond, and they could have salvaged it while keeping him. Invisible cars aside, he was a convincing Bond.
Zero Woman: Red Handcuffs
- Zero Woman: Red Handcuffs
- Miki Sugimoto out-Chibas Sonny in another Japanese technicolor gore-noir from the 70's.
Japanese exploitation films, especially those of the 1970’s were pretty nasty stuff. Rape, dismemberment, gun shots to the eyes, and bad stage blood mixes abound. However, compared to American crime films from the same period, the Japanese seemingly have art direction and cinematography right up there with West Side Story. Bright reds and greens make the screen look like a Crayola 8-pack and the attention to detail is almost unnecessary. Our lead’s gun, handcuffs, raincoat, and blood are all exactly the same shade of red (not blood red, surprisingly).
Zero Woman is an ongoing Japanese fem-sploitation series, and Red Handcuffs has frequently been listed as one of the best. In this outting Miki Sugimoto plays Zero. Miki has also starred of such classics as Tokugawa Sex Ban: Lustful Lord, Hot Springs Mimizu Geisha, and Hot Springs Kiss Geisha (she plays Prostitute with Strong Vagina Muscles in that last film). She’s gorgeous, but doesn’t necessarily convey a lot of emotion. It works for her character, a cop who killed an American diplomat in the line of duty, and who is now forced to covertly take on kidnappers.
Entertainment industry outsmarts blithering moron
People get busted for doing stupid stuff all the time. Hell, at any given time you can probably find a dozen shows about “World’s [insert superlative here] Criminals.” This would be one for those shows, but instead of a guy trying to knock over a liquor store with a banana, the video would be more like a neanderthal drooling on a keyboard.
Prosecutors claim Ochoa said in an Internet chat room that he wanted to put online a special copy of the Johnny Cash biopic, which was supplied in advance to Oscar voters. It is unclear how he allegedly obtained the film.
A chat room participant contacted the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, which set up a fake movie-swapping Web site where Ochoa uploaded the film on Dec. 21, Assistant U.S. Attorney Brian Hoffstadt said.
The film was taken from the mail before it reached its intended recipient, he said. A digital watermark identified it as an Academy screener film.
If you’ve ever hung around the darker corners of IRC, you know that a lot of stuff gets said without getting said. This guysis apparently unfamiliar with the idea of being low-key.
A word of advice to future pirates: If you’ve got the urge to distribute obviously watermarked stuff that you stole out of the mail, at least make sure that you trust the people you’re bragging to.
Deliver us Eva
And the new Bond girl is… Eva Green, according to the NY Post.
Great choice, I must say. And if you’re not sure about this one, guys, please rent “The Dreamers.”
She’s perfect because she’s not just some big name added to have a “name” on a poster, like what would have been the case with Angelina Jolie or Charlize Theron. Instead, she’s a smokin’ hot chick that definitely needed more screen time and more exposure, so to speak. Not exactly sure about the acting part yet. I might have to rent “Dreamers” again.
Again, for the most part, the new Bond film, “Casino Royale,” showcases lesser-known, yet still very talented actors that will bring a much-needed freshness to the series, and that’s a method I must applaud. It’ll make audiences focus more on plot points and character development, which is crucial to the success of 007 movies.
And if you’re not sure about Daniel Craig — the new Bond — rent “Layer Cake.” Even though the movie is a good time-killer at best, Craig definitely stands out and proves he has the charisma to play the world’s smoothest male chauvinist.
NASCAR and trailers go together
“Kicking and Screaming.” “Bewitched.” “The Producers.” “Curious George.” Sadly, the common theme to all those tragedies is the name Will Ferrell. That’s a fucking slump.
(Side note: I haven’t seen “Bewitched,” “The Producers,” or “Curious George,” but ya know…)
If it wasn’t for Ferrell’s brilliant cameo in “Wedding Crashers” I might have moved on from him at this point. Something about Chazz Reinhold and his cries for meatloaf tugged at my heart though.
Why is Ferrell insisting on taking a heavy plunge into family movies all of a sudden (Don’t forget the cheese that was “Elf,” albeit pretty funny cheese)? Sure, it’s profitable, but he’s in danger of losing his base — those people who still get the urge to watch the “More Cowbell” sketch every other day.
Well, there’s hope around the corner because Ferrell’s next project is “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.” And the trailer is out.
Hey, welcome to the party, Rob
Sure, Robert Redford is a couple years late on this, but he’s finally realized that his Sundance Film Festival has lost whatever credibility it had left, thanks in large part to appearances by a certain soulless socialite in Park City, telling Newsweek:
“To the outside world, it’s a big fat market where you have people like Paris Hilton going to parties. Now, she doesn’t have anything to do with anything. I think the festival is close to being out of control.”
And Rob is close to getting a clue.
If this signals the end for Sundance, I’m going to miss those magazine photo spreads with Paris pouting her lips next to Pamela Anderson’s cleavage. Those shots were no less annoying than a scarfed Parker Posey laughing it up with Zach Braff, or Natalie Portman hoping to hold on to her indie cred by posing with a frosty Philip Seymour Hoffman.
You see, Paris isn’t the only one to blame for the demise of the once-important independent film showcase. How about the independent film industry itself, which has absolutely sucked lately? Can you name a significant indie film that has hit the scene in the last five years and changed the way you thought about movies?
And don’t you dare say “Crash.”
Star Wars’ ‘Uncle Owen’ dies at 89
As a big Star Wars fan, this is a sad bit of news to pass along. Phil Brown, who played Owen Lars in Star Wars, has died at age 89.
A few years ago I read about his unusual story of moving to London to avoid accusations of being a Communist in the U.S. in the 1950s. The article does a nice job of summing up how he fled and got the role that made him famous to generations of Star Wars geeks.
He moved his family to London in the 1950s after being blacklisted during the communist scare in the United States. A longtime progressive, Brown always denied being a Communist.
In London, he found work on stage and in such films as “Tropic of Cancer” (1970) and “Twilight’s Last Gleaming” (1977).
In the mid-1970s, George Lucas was filming interior scenes for “Star Wars” at a London sound stage and needed an actor with a strong American accent.
Brown got the role, then spent a month or so in Tunisia filming a handful of scenes.
He returned to California in the early 1990s, quickly discovering that the role had made him a celebrity. He became a popular figure at science fiction conventions.
It’s sad to see him pass, but hey, look on the bright side — at least his nephew didn’t come home to find him grilling in the front yard.
Doom
- Doom
- Five minutes are worth watching, otherwise just keep playing your old game...no walking mechanical spider brains here. IDDQD!
When you check out Doom on IMDb, the site automatically recommends Day of the Dead at the bottom of the page. You might think that its just a programming error, like Wal-Mart’s Planet of the Apes / Black History Month fuck up, but its not. Doom is a zombie movie, one that takes place in an underground bunker, so its completely reasonable that IMDb would suggest Day of the Dead as a similar film.
If you’ve ever actually played one of Doom’s video game incarnations however, you’re sure to be disappointed by this adaptation. There’s about as much original video game storyline in this as in Super Mario Bros. The movie instead steals from Resident Evil, and of course Cameron’s omnipresent Aliens to fill in the cookie cutter script. Gone are the Mars landscapes, open air temples, and 95% of the alien bad guys. All we get is the BFG and 5 minutes of first person action (which, admittedly, bumped my review up a star).
Continues after the jump »
Effects
- Effects
- This unearthed horror indie from Pittsburgh's horror boom period unfortunately fails to live up to its peers.
I really wanted to come out and give this one the big thumbs up…at least 3 stars, maybe 4. I’m feeling especially close to Pittsburgh this week, after all. I was excited to check out Effects, a Pittsburgh indie horror flick from the early 80’s, recently released for the first time commercially by Synapse films. Problems with the distribution company kept this film off screens, save a few festival runs, until this year.
Unfortunately, Effects, has more in common with George A. Romero’s Season of the Witch than any of his classic Burgh-based horror films. The story revolves around a sinister low-budget horror director who secretly turns his shoot into a hidden camera snuff film, with his cinematographer in the lead role.
Continues after the jump »
She’s back…stock up on Kleenex!
It’s been a while since Sharon Stone was the star of my fantasies. But the 47 year-old star of Police Academy 4 and Catwoman might be heading back to the dreams of men. Footage from the movie BASIC INSTINCT 2 has hit the web. This footage will NOT be seen on any trailer played in theaters in the United States. I’m not even sure I would call this a trailer. It is more like a long collection of clips from the film, and many of them appear unfinished and/or crappy. The upside of sitting through the shlock is getting to see Sharon buck naked, engaging in certain adult activities multiple times. Enjoy!
Delicious ‘Strangers With Candy’ news
Every once in a while something awesome happens. This is one of those times. It looks like the “Strangers With Candy” film will finally get released, and it’ll be this summer.
NEW YORK (Hollywood Reporter) - Indie movie distributor ThinkFilm has acquired worldwide rights to “Strangers With Candy,” a feature based on the Comedy Central cult hit about 46-year-old ex-junkie high school student Jerri Blank.
The complex deal amounts to about $2 million plus box office bonuses for the filmmakers, according to a source close to the negotiations. The company plans to release the film in exclusive engagements in late June or early July.
Like the article says, ThinkFilm an indie distributor, so that means that you might not be able to catch it at your local Googolplex, but at least you will be able to catch it somewhere. If you’re not familiar with the show, it was basically put together like an after school special based on the life of a 46-year-old woman. The premise sounds weird, but it’s hilarious, trust me. Plus, it’s got Stephen Colbert, whose star has risen quite a bit since the series first ran in the late ’90s.
‘Nacho’ appetizer
Sure. “Nacho Libre” trailer, courtesy of Ain’t It Cool.
‘Office’ Filter
OK, I’m officially getting nervous about some of the choices Ricky Gervais is making since “The Office” closed shop, starting with his new, mediocre series “Extras,” which I’ve barely even thought about after watching the first season, and now the news that he’s joining the cast of the “Night At The Museum.”
Empire magazine has the details:
Paying [Ben] Stiller back for his appearance on Extras, Gervais will fill a small role as an uptight museum director in the film which sees Stiller’s night watchman unleash an ancient curse.
Already hired are Robin Williams, Carla Gugino, Kim Raver, Mickey Rooney, Dick Van Dyke and Bill Cobbs.
New Ford vehicle
The TV commercial for Harrison Ford’s latest movie, “Firewall,” starts off like your typical action movie promo — with a blurry action montage, cheesey one-liners and an even cheesier voiceover guy — then it takes a sharp turn… in a brand new Crysler 300C.
Come to think of it, maybe it wasn’t an ad for”Firewall”; Maybe it was an ad for Crysler.
Actually, it was both. Yup, that’s right, another lame product tie-in with a movie, and this time they’re not even trying to conceal it. What a great way to take the edge off an upcoming release. Not that people have expected anything significant from Ford since he spouted “Get off my plane!” in “Air Force One.” Continues after the jump »
CRASH (2004)
- Crash (2004)
- Five years later, Hollywood finally manages to rip off Magnolia with the help of the creator of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Ok, ok settle down… finally, here is the first post of my ongoing column reviewing my Netflix queue. I promise you things will get very weird as the envelopes fly back and forth from the shipping center in Flushing. However, we start with the most populist of the recently nominated films for Best Picture, Paul Haggis’ paint-by-numbers pseudo-epic, Crash.
Haggis, former writer of 80’s sitcoms and 90’s geriatric Kung-Fu westerns, took all the heavy-handedness he crammed into the last half hour of Million Dollar Baby and spreads it out over two hours. What he creates is an abundantly “important,” yet emotionally laughable rip off of Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia.
Continues after the jump »
Supernerds Rejoice!
No more wondering what might have been. No more buying bootlegged VHS tapes that show us the Canadian TV broadcast from the 80’s. Soon we will be able to go right to the source, and watch this stuff ourselves! After years of campaigning, Warner Bros. has finally been convinced to release the many different versions of the Salkind Superman films. The Richard Donner Superman II footage that we nerds have been wanting for years will finally be cleaned up and shown in all its digital glory!
To understand how cool this is, it helps to have been following this story for years. One of the best ways to do that is with the magnificent Superman Cinema website, which is arguably the best movie website I have ever seen. They have a number of great articles on the whole Donner/Supes II controversy, so all you who are not familiar can read up.
Oh what a glorious piece of news! I wonder what Richard Lester thinks of all this…
It’s OSCAR time!
So the Oscar nominations were announced at 5:30 am Pacific Time this morning, when most of the celebuttantes of Hollywood are coming down off their weekly Monday night coke binge (no purge here, though, kids!), and every hack comics favorite joke, Brokeback Mountain, leads the pack. Continues after the jump »
Bo and Luke vs. Paris
It’s finally here! Forget the Golden Globes and Oscars. All people really care about is who made the worst movies this year. And now we know. Today the nominees for the Golden Raspberry Awards were announced. The nominees for worst picture of the year are:
1. Son of the Mask
2. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
3. Dirty Love
4. The Dukes of Hazzard
5. House of Wax
The entire list of razzies can be viewed here. Let’s hope whoever wins worst actor has the guts to show up and accept the award. Halle Berry showed up and won for her performance in 2004’s Catwoman, and she got a standing ovation.
The magical world of ‘Variety’
One of the daily duties of running a top-notch entertainment site (I’m laughing a little bit too) is scouring the Web, looking for the best and worst of what’s out there. Basically, we have to find it before we can filter it. Sounds easy enough, right? Not so fast.
Third-grade grammar and spelling is rampant on the web as it is, and having to decipher pages full of “lololz ur 2 funE” is never as much fun as it sounds. So why would any professional organization intentionally make it worse? That’s a question I’m forced to ask myself every time I visit Variety.com..
For those unfamiliar with Variety, they use a seemingly arbitrarily made-up vocabulary of “slanguage.” which is pretty much just slang that they’re really rigid about using. Some of it makes sense, but most if it just seems unnecessary. “Preem” is a perfectly reasonable abbreviation for “premiere,” but in your head, you’re going to take longer to read it as your brain processes it and translates it. Imagine a trade publication about the pizza industry referring to pizza as “‘za” on every reference. It would be annoying — just like reading Variety. Continues after the jump »
Weezer tries on Velvet; Robin as Teddy
Despite some early bad press for the movie “Factory Girl,” members of Weezer are playing members of the legendary band The Velvet Underground, according to Digital Spy. Weezer guitarist Brian Bell is portraying Lou Reed and drummer Patrick Wilson is playing John Cale in the Edie Sedgewick biopic.
The early bad press I speak of came from Reed, most famously known for attending Syracuse University, who isn’t exactly a fan of the movie, calling the director and the cast a “bunch of whores.” Continues after the jump »
Almighty, my ass
Why oh why must Hollywood milk things on every opportunity? Some movies do not need sequels… for instance Bruce Almighty. I know I may be late in learning of plans for the sequel, Evan Almighty, but that doesn’t make it any less of a bad idea now than it was when it was first announced. And, furthermore, the director apparently intends on turning it into a series. On CHUD.com Steve Carell says:
“I know Tom Shadyac is hoping that it is a series, and then a couple of years down the road … Will Ferrell or Ben Stiller or somebody else, God comes to them and they need to achieve something and sort of learn, and it’ll be a very sweet movie. It’ll be a nice family movie.”
The future installments are beyond where my concern can be focused at this point… I am way to worried about this Evan flick. True, Carell is awesome… I could watch The Office day and night… 40 Year Old Virgin was outstanding… but Evan was a dry and static character. I mean, he served his purpose in Bruce Almighty and Carell played him well. Is he worthy of his own movie? The clear answer is, “NO”.
How many movies can we ruin with sequels that shouldn’t exist? It’s a question not much unlike “How many licks does it to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” The world may never know.
‘Nacho’ supreme
New photos of Jack Black’s next movie — “Nacho Libre” — have hit the Internet. After seeing them, there’s no doubt I’m doing up this movie, and I don’t even know what it’s about. I don’t care. You give me Jack Black wearing some Mexican wrestling costume and throw in a title like “Nacho Libre” and I’m sold.
I’m sorry, I can’t even give you a brief synopsis of the film, which just proves I’m totally serious about not caring what it’s about. But an article on calendarlive.com, which provides the new images, can.
Keep in mind that “Nacho Libre” will just be the appetizer to the main course that will be “Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny,” which is due to start kicking theaters’ asses in October.
Hey kids, who wants to see a Magnum P.I. movie?
Tough shit, because you’re getting it anyway.
That’s right, the show that made mustaches rides cool and Ferraris passé is coming to theaters. The movie, which is sure to have an awesome teaser trailer (due in theaters this Friday), will be directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber.
Thurber, who wrote and directed the hit comedy “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story,” is not making a spoof but rather something akin to the tone of the show, which mixed humor and danger. The story line for the film sees Magnum, with the help of his former military pals, searching for a missing buddy.
I don’t know who they’ve got planned to play Magnum, but I don’t see how it can be anybody but Tom Selleck In fact, I’m officially declaring the comments thread on this post to be the official “Draft Tom Selleck to reprise his role as Thomas Magnum” petition. Get to work people! I want to see mustaches!
Could Jobs be the next CEO of Disney?
Steve Jobs wants your soul. Trust me, he’ll do better things with it than you ever will. And he’ll do better things with Disney’s joke of an animation studio than they have in the last decade.
The man who co-founded and runs Apple and owns more than half of Pixar is set to become the largest shareholder of Disney. I haven’t done any math on this, but I’ve got to assume that this deal won’t make him the majority shareholder, so while he won’t technically “own” Disney, he’ll still be the 800 pound gorilla of the Disney board.
Published reports said Disney’s board discussed the negotiations Monday and gave chief executive Bob Iger authority to complete a deal. The company could announce as early as Tuesday that it will acquire Pixar in a stock transaction, according to reports.
So what does this mean? It means that someday soon, Disney might not be the festering boil of the animation industry. They can’t make a good animated feature to save their lives these days. If it weren’t for Pixar, Disney would be nowhere today. Their only saving grace over the last 11 years has been the fact that they’ve been lucky enough to attach their name to all the great movies that have been made by Pixar, entirely separate of Disney’s poison factory animation studios.
The part of me that loves Pixar is hesitant to see Disney swallow them up, but if it involves giving Steve Jobs any sort of control, I think it might work out for the best. If you appreciate quality animated features, meaning stuff that actually looks good (not this crap) and has a real plot and real characters, you’d do well to keep your fingers crossed.
Hulk’s coming back? And as Duchovny?
So which is the weirder revelation: That there is an Incredible Hulk sequel in the works or that there’s a good chance David Duchovny will take over the role of Bruce Banner from Eric Bana?
I guess it’s not too odd that another comic book movie is being made, even if it’s coming before we get Silver Surfer or Iron Man and even if it’s following a movie that was a total failure. So I’ll have to go with Duchovny, who IMDB claims could be getting his green on soon. Continues after the jump »
When Larry Miller attacks
Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller, who pulled the movie “Brokeback Mountain” from his theater after being informed of its subject matter, has ended his silence.
First, he provided some great video for KSL-TV after a reporter asked him about his refusal to show a movie about gay cowboys. Miller grabbed the reporter’s microphone and said in an earnest voice:
“I said everything I had to say when I pulled the movie. Okay? Anything else you want to know?”
Yeah, you think the Jazz can take the West this year? Continues after the jump »
Party like it’s ‘1984’?
Empire Magazine is reporting that Tim Robbins wants to adapt a novel that is a favorite of the George W. Bush administration — George Orwell’s prophetic “1984.”
Robbins is currently directing a stage version of the novel for his LA theatre troupe, The Actors’ Gang. That runs until April 8, but when we spoke to him yesterday, he told us that he doesn’t want the 1984 experience to end there.
“I’ve got a screenplay of it,” he told us (presumably written by Michael Gene Sullivan, who adapted the novel for The Actors’ Gang). “And now I’m starting the process of trying to put it together.”
Adapting “1984” for the big screen now seems too late. It’s obvious that Robbins wants to use it as a shot at Bush and the current political climate of fear and control, which I would applaud if it had come out before the 2004 election. But the damage has already been done. We’re totally fucked whether or not this movie comes to fruition.
Now, there are plenty of old mediocre TV shows that haven’t been made into movies yet, like “Hunter,” “A Different World” and “Cop Rock.” Let’s work on those first.
Weisz, Depp slated for Batman sequel?
We all know how rock solid Internet rumors can be. With that, I bring you the latest speculation as to who will be showing up in the sequel to Christopher Nolan’s “Batman Begins,” courtesy of Chud.com.
The latest conjecture finds Rachel Weisz playing the daughter of Ra’s Al Ghul, who comes to Gotham seeking revenge on Batty Bruce for punching the hell out of her dad and then dropping a monorail on him (spoiler!). On top of that, the studio’s number one pick for Batman’s grinning lunatic nemesis (the Joker, not Killer Croc) is apparently Johnny Depp, which is a staggering surprise!
If it happens, I like the Wiesz choice a lot. She was the only respectable aspect of last year’s overwrought and pretentious “The Constant Gardener.” I’m still on the fence when it comes to her “hottie” factor though.
Depp works for me as well here, even though he’s sort of suffering from overexposure thanks to his mid-career plunge into blockbuster roles like Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Still, he’s got the complexity and intensity that would translate well in the darker Batman films Nolan is creating.
Whether Depp or somebody else ends up playing the Joker, it’s going to be quite a challenge to live up to Jack’s performance though.
Not gay cowboys, but close enough
Remaking a classic movie is bad enough. Remaking a classic movie that is absurdly overrated just cries out “bomb.”
OK! magazine is reporting that best buds Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are set to star in a new version of “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.”
Damon will reportedly take on the role of the Sundance Kid, which was played by Robert Redford in the original 1969 movie, while Affleck will try to live up to Paul Newman’s Cassidy.
“Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” will mark the first film in which Damon and Affleck, friends since childhood, will appear on screen together since knocking up their girlfriends.
Jesus vs. the vampires
- Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
- Jesus, Mary Magnum, and El Santo kick some vampire ass in order to save the lesbians. "Jesus saves" takes on a whole new meaning in this 2001 indy cult film.
- Buy it on Amazon
- Available on Netflix
The lesbians are dying off and vampires are to blame. The vampires are harvesting skin for some wacked out scientist and they are choosing lesbians because no one will miss them. The local priests know they need to stop the vampires and in order to do so they need to enlist vampire enemy #1, JC himself. Two priests go to the lake (where Jesus is baptizing believers) in order to go recruit Christ’s help and when explaining the situation, vampires attack. Jesus turns it on and kicks ass, but the two priests die in the process. Jesus goes back to the city, meets Mary Magnum and she helps him gets a modern makeover so that he looks more like he fits in. Jesus proceeds to then kick vampire ass for another hour or so and in the end he brings some folks back to life, turns vamps back into humans, and facilitates lesbian love.
A truly touching story… Continues after the jump »
Hardcourt action
I notcied this little doozy over on Deadspin.com, which is a pretty comical blog for sports fanatics, albeit a pretty snarky one too.
It took a while, but there’s finally a porno version of Kobe Bryant’s legal troubles from recent years. It’s titled “Tobey Bryan’s Backcourt Violation.” (warning: adult content)
Tobey Bryan’s Backcourt Violation delves into the sordid life of a rich, powerful sports superstar who craves anal sex as much as he covets another championship ring.
Sold.
Oh sorry, my bad, I just realized an obvious mistake. It’s Tobey Bryan and not Kobe Bryant. And this guy plays for the Los Angeles Shakers, not the Los Angeles Lakers. Sorry for the mix-up.