Put me in Coach! I’m ready to fight fight fight…cops
The Mahoning Valley HitMen are an indoor football team based in Ohio. Their incoming running back Maurice Clarett was arrested this morning after being maced by police. Seems Clarett had a number of loaded guns in his vehicle at the time, and was non-cooperative with officers. Without getting into a long drawn out discussion of why Clarett is a dunderhead, let’s discuss his new coach. Jim Terry, who also owns the team, had a reaction of: “I’ve seen far worse situations than this.” He added that the encounter Clarett had with the cops will not affect his status with the team. Way to go coach! Way to enable more potentially dangerous men to have no professional ramifications from wrongdoing! Sure we’ve all seen worse, but driving around with many loaded guns and getting into skirmishes with police is not exactly jaywalking.
What is Terry’s motivation here? On the cynical side, we might assume that Terry simply doesn’t care about people with dangerous weapons mixing it up with police, and wants a running back to gain lots of yards and score touchdowns. That might sound believable, but Clarett stinks these days last I heard. Then again, I suppose a team that is offering open tryouts to anyone could embrace a player that had at least one great college season, instead of a local bartender looking to live out his dream. (That sounds like a movie I heard of) On the hopeful side, maybe Terry thinks that by giving Clarett another chance, he can finally get his life sorted out. While the first idea is irresponsible, this one seems merely stupid. If a guy like Clarett is in trouble in his life, the place for him is with a therapist or doctor of mental health, not on some football field where anger and aggression can be rewarded. If society thinks a man like Clarett is worthy of being saved, we should be trying to get him emotional help, not ask him to carry a team of the Eastern Indoor Football League. Ironically, on the HitMen website, using the mouse to select different menu options produces a sound effect like a gunshot. I should mention that Clarett was originally tazered, but was wearing a bulletproof vest, so the police then had to mace him. Looks like Mo really was fixing to be a real hit-man. And, you know, his coach is cool with that.
I’m cheap, so can I have some money?
Could someone please explain this to me? The Republicans are proposing an energy package to give taxpayers a $100 rebate, to offset the high price of gasoline. Excuse me? Why should my tax dollars be given to all the other taxpayers in the U.S., just because gas prices are high? Bad logic alert! I pay taxes. Gas prices are high. People complain. So money is given back to people to stop their whining? Why not give a $5 rebate to taxpayers because the cost of movie tickets is high? I worked hard to pay my taxes, and now that money is going to be simply handed out, to pedestrians and Hummer drivers alike? I don’t like this idea one bit. I thought Republicans were usually against government handouts. And a measly $100 will not solve the long-term problem. All it does is delay/suppress citizens complaining. Unless the gas companies are doing something illegal, the government should not be involved in this at all. Similarly, just because some major airline is having trouble turning a profit, I do NOT think the government should hand them millions of dollars to stay in business. In the long run, we as consumers will all be better off if those airlines die off, or if people really do choose alternatives to gasoline. Some C-note hand out is not going to be solving jack squat.
Don’t forget that this proposal would be coupled with drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska. Boo and Hiss, Congress! Try mandating fuel efficiency standards for auto-makers, then after that you can talk to me about wasting my money on whiny folks. The price of gas is too high? Boo-hoo! Take the bus to work. Try walking. Invest in a vehicle that uses less gas. But don’t turn to the government and ask for MY tax dollars, just because filling up your S.U.V. meant you couldn’t afford an Xbox 360.
The “Other Stripper” Exposes herself
There was news today in the Duke Lacrosse team rape thing. I guess the other stripper at the party is coming out in support of her coworker, and professing the guilt of the players, despite being in the bathroom at the time. I was pleased to learn that Syracuse University (go Orange!) has refused to accept any lacrosse players wishing to transfer there. The rape accusations aside, this team was in trouble all the time, so I don’t want them at my alma mater. The really perplexing thing about this case is why this second woman is a stripper. Going only off this picture, she wouldn’t get many $1 bills off of me. But being that she imbezzled thousands of dollars in the past, probably a good idea not to give her any of my money anyway.
Duke Nukem
In a very “interesting” move, President Bush has decided to break U.S. Law and international treaties, and agree to a nuclear deal with India. The gist of the deal is that the United States would be giving over nuclear information to the Indian government, and in return, India agrees to a number of conditions. Details of the deal can be read here. I came to be aware of this by listening to a discussion of the deal last night, on National Public Radio.
The thing that is strange about this is that upon further review, it’s going to suck either way. India has nuclear weapons and nuclear technology already. So here President Bush goes, giving them more technology, and in return we are going to be better strategic and economic allies with India. To large corporations, this is of course, welcome. Soon enough, India will be the largest country in terms of population in the world. Anything the U.S. government can do to get in bed with India is going to go over well with companies like Nike and Coca-Cola, who want nothing more than for every Indian to be buying their products.
On the other hand, what message is this sending to other countries? The United States is going to be openly allowing nuclear development in one country, while lobbying against it in others. This week the United Sates will be arguing to the United Nations Security Council that Iran should not be allowed to continue its development of nuclear technology. This double standard of only allowing “our friends” to have nukes is already drawing ire in Middle Eastern media. Sure, Iran and India are two very different countries, with different levels of trust with the U.S. But the last time I checked, the only reason India has nuclear weapons is because they violated international law and used nuclear material given to them for peaceful reactors to make a bomb. And while they claim to only want to alleviate their energy needs with nuclear power, they freely admit they will continue nuclear development for Military purposes. By the way, it is estimated India already possesses between 60-250 nuclear weapons.
The double standard issueis nothing new. After finding no WMD’s, the Bush admisnistration claimed that Sadaam had to be overthrown, to ensure the freedom of the Iraqi people. That is ceratinly a noble ideal. But is the measuring stick for invasion is whether we think a government is treating its citizens farily, then why are we only invading Iraq? Don’t China, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and others have many human rights violations? And are any of those countries democracies? Something to ponder.
So what is the solution? Should President Bush make the bold move, and try to solidify relations with this sleeping giant? Or should he conform to the laws and treaties that were obeyed by every U.S. President for the last few decades? There is evidence that if Congress goes along with this plan (they would have too change a number of laws to make President Bush’s decision legal), there would be an arms race between India and Paskistan. The only solution seems to be exactly what the Bush administration would like…for us to forget all about this and go hunting. After all, that is a safe hobby.
Yankers Pull A Boner
It is common knowledge that George Steinbrenner does not like the World Baseball Classic. Recently a sign was put up at Yankees spring training, which you can see here. I guess the Yankee fans that were expecting to see Derek, A-Rod, and Johnny Damon are miffed that their heroes are not there, but the Yankees employees are sick of answering their questions. Steinbrenner, never one to pass up a chance to be whiny, denied (through a spokesperson) that he had the sign put up. It has since been taken down. Who knows if the Boss ordered this, but he is “The Boss”, so he gets the fingers pointed at him for what happens in his organization.
I don’t like the WBC, but for far different reasons than Georgie boy. He doesn’t want his prima donnas getting hurt. But I think there is something fishy about a tournament where many players who are American citizens are playing for countries like The Netherlands or Italy. Even in the Olympics, when players try to compete for countries they are not from, they are at least switching citizenship, like Tanith Belbin went through before this year’s Turin Games. If players can just switch around, depending on their grandparents, then what is the point of claiming there are different countries participating at all? The passport should be the ultimate determinant as to what country you are allowed to play for.
Loony Tunes in Power
We all know China is a bastion of human rights violations and government control. Political dissidents are routinely jailed, and even the Internet is heavily censored. (which means Crapfilter might not work there…those bastards!) But those things seem unimportant now, as it has come to light that Chinese citizens can’t even get their Jessica Rabbit fix!
According to an article in today’s Daily Variety by Steven Schwankert, the Chinese Government has decided that films and TV shows that portray humans interacting with animated characters are forbidden. Movies like “Space Jam” and “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” are apparently dangerous for the Chinese public. Some claim this is a move to bolster domestic animation production. If that is true, one would think they would just ban all foreign animation, rather than isolating human/cartoon interaction. Are movies like “Mary Poppins” known to encourage dissent? This government also banned the film “Babe”, because talking animals were thought to be confusing to viewers. Way to go China. Hey international community, let’s all reward this government for their lunacy by giving them the Olympic games. Oh wait…
Let us not forget that the U.S. states that voted for the government in power now (the one that likes domestic wire-tapping sans warrants) are referred to as “red” states. Just a reminder.
The Deadliest Game of All…Man!
The Vice President of the United States of America shot someone in the face over the weekend. It is widely accepted that this was a freak accident. Let’s all be thankful that the victim is doing well, and is expected to recover. Then let’s all remember how during the 2004 race for the Whitehouse, Dick Cheney made fun of John Kerry’s hunting trip. Kerry, in an effort to try to attract gun-toting voters, went pheasant hunting, and it drew comparisons to Michael Dukakis’ ill-fated tank ride in 1988. Cheney, an avid hunter, saw right through Kerry’s dubious attention grab, and was able to spin it to his advantage.
In today’s media-driven society, these sorts of incidents can be public relations dreams or nightmares for politicians. The question now will be if the political opponents of Cheney will make light of this incident in a political setting. Given a man was seriously injured, it seems more likely to find favor on the tongues of Jay Leno and David Letterman. Ah, but my kingdom for the day when a politician stands up and says, “If you want to get shot in the face, vote for Cheney!” That would be good times.
Bad Tasting Beer Produces Ad in Bad Taste
Of course no one is reading this site right now; they are all watching the Superbowl. And thus they probably just saw the new Bud Light commercial. In said commercial, a grizzly bear is chasing two men through the woods. One man offers the bear a Bud Light, which the bear seems to like. But before the bear can accept the gift, the other man steals the beer, leaving his friend to certain doom.
It was immediately apparent that the producers of this commercial chose an actor that bears (no pun intended) a striking resemblance to Timothy Treadwell. Treadwell was killed by a grizzly in October of 2003. He was the subject of the recent film GRIZZLY MAN. 
There is no way Bud Light can claim that they had no idea about this resemblance. So logically, they must have planned it this way on purpose. I am going to say flat out that this is not a funny choice. This man was eaten by bears, and the implied joke is that maybe a Bud Light could have saved him? And for those who say that this is all in good fun, I suggest you watch the film GRIZZLEY MAN before making such an assertion.
If you have a soul, you can voice displeasure to Anheuser-Busch here. And don’t forget to tell them that the ad also simply wasn’t funny. As Terry Bradshaw would say, “Not funny not funny not fun-nay!”
UPDATE: Here is a link so you can watch the commercial for yourself.
Original British version = not funny!
Dear Crapheads, Geeks, and British humor enthusiasts,
Please don’t (cyber)stone me… but I have to say that the original version of The Office just isn’t very funny. I know, I know, it’s the original and therefore the American version is inferior in some way to it, but seriously… I have a hard time believing that the BBC version of The Office can even hold it’s on compared to the version it inspired in the states.
Now, admittedly I am basing this assessment on only two episodes, because that is all I have gotten the chance to see of the original. BBC America (sometimes carried by our local PBS station) aired several episodes over the weekend and I decided that I needed to give the show a shot. I found myself laughing out loud only once and barely chuckling at all throughout the remainder of the two episodes… in fact, at several points I felt like changing the channel to see if TBS may have been airing Friends reruns or VH1 had a Top 100 [insert anything you want here] of All-Time show on… but I decided that I needed to persevere because it would hopefully be worth it. Unfortunately, my perseverance did not pay off and I derived little to no enjoyment through my decision to stay tuned to this poor excuse for humor. Continues after the jump »
This just in: Thinking is outlawed!
Ok, so maybe I am going a bit far and I am admittedly quite the left-leaning Commie Pinko… but as we approach the inevitable appointment of another NeoCon to the high courts, I am very weary that our civil liberties are just about ready to take another hit. The fillibuster launched by Senator John Kerry failed and the final vote will be taking placed today… in fact, by the time you read this, Mr. Alito will probably be slated to officially be inducted as Supreme Court Justice Alito.
It’s a really rough trade off to be gaining Samuel Alito, an obviously biased man with a questionable history in the public eye, in exchange for Sandra Day O’Connor, a very fair-minded woman who did not show much (if any) political bias during her very successful run in Supreme Court. With another uber-Consersative already recently appointed to Chief Justice, the balance is shifting towards some very one-sided decisions coming from this new justice league. Continues after the jump »
The Lazy Days
The watering down continues. As was the case in the past, Sportscenter anchors Neil Everett and Scott van Pelt are helping to drive what is a proud piece of high quality entertainment into repetition hell. On the Sportscenter airing on January 25, 2006, they used yet another line from the now infamous* Lazy Sunday sketch, saying something to the effect of “Google maps is the best”, “True dat”, “Double true!” In this case (unlike before) they both were involved in the quoting.
At this rate, we are going to doom the Lonely Island boys to never be able to live up to their breakout hit. Their Young Chuck Norris sketch was not bad, but already some are complaining about it being a let down. Of course it isn’t as great as the first, but that’s okay. If we were not grinding Lazy Sunday into pop culture overexposure, we wouldn’t have unreasonably high expectations. I am of course, guilty of talking about Lazy Sunday too much myself (since I do love it), but I am above reproach on basically anything.
* When I say infamous, I of course mean it in the way that El Guapo was infamous. (He’s so famous that he’s IN-famous!)
Almighty, my ass
Why oh why must Hollywood milk things on every opportunity? Some movies do not need sequels… for instance Bruce Almighty. I know I may be late in learning of plans for the sequel, Evan Almighty, but that doesn’t make it any less of a bad idea now than it was when it was first announced. And, furthermore, the director apparently intends on turning it into a series. On CHUD.com Steve Carell says:
“I know Tom Shadyac is hoping that it is a series, and then a couple of years down the road … Will Ferrell or Ben Stiller or somebody else, God comes to them and they need to achieve something and sort of learn, and it’ll be a very sweet movie. It’ll be a nice family movie.”
The future installments are beyond where my concern can be focused at this point… I am way to worried about this Evan flick. True, Carell is awesome… I could watch The Office day and night… 40 Year Old Virgin was outstanding… but Evan was a dry and static character. I mean, he served his purpose in Bruce Almighty and Carell played him well. Is he worthy of his own movie? The clear answer is, “NO”.
How many movies can we ruin with sequels that shouldn’t exist? It’s a question not much unlike “How many licks does it to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” The world may never know.
The customer is always an ASSHOLE!
Verizon, this middle finger is for you. Apparently someone over in your office took Ben Affleck words in Mallrats to heart, “The customer is always an asshole.” What ever happened to “The Customer is always right”? Seriously, I guess I wasn’t “mistreated” by those I got on the phone today when calling about a new DSL deal, but I can say that I have spoke with a total of 8 people and have yet to actually discuss what I called to discuss. Their website was useless, so there is no decent solution. My “Customer Service” calls yesterday sounded something like this:
1st Call:
Phone rings several times, then voice answering system picks up.
Phone System: Please enter your Verizon telephone number starting with the area code.
I enter my number.
Phone System: Please tell me why you are calling.
Me: I am interested in the new DSL deal for 14.95/month.
Phone System: You are inquiring about a payment, is that correct?
Me: No.
So I go through about 10 more minutes of this automated crap, before getting put through to a person… and after holding for a person for about another 10 minutes, it tells me to hang up and call back later due to high caller traffic. Continues after the jump »
Reaper Getting Booted from Jersey
The Filter has long been an engine for social change, but now we are finally getting somewhere meaningful. New Jersey lawmakers have suspended executions, while they investigate whether the death penalty is something they should eliminate altogether.
Given the debate posed on this very site in recent times, can there be any doubt that the Filter is one of the biggest forces for good in the country? I think not.
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, because time’s almost up
This is just a quick followup on the indoor smoking ban piece that I wrote on Friday. It got some decent attention, since it is a somewhat controversial subject after all.
Well, it looks like New Jersey managed to prove that it’s not the taint of the nation by passing the ban today, just as I predicted.
The vote ended up being 64-12, which ain’t too bad. Less than 19% of the lawmakers voted against the ban. That speaks for itself. That’s even lower than the percentage of smokers out there, so statistically speaking, at least some smokers in the Assembly had to vote for it. For those of you keeping score, that’s 11 states that now ban smoking in bars and restaurants. Spain and Ireland are on board too.
As you might have guessed, I’m really happy about this. I’m happy for the waiters, musicians and patrons of bars and restaurants in New Jersey. But what really makes me happy is the fact that this is an in-your-face mandate that all of you smokers can go go to hell… or at least outside. Most people don’t want your smoke. Keep your emphysema and lung cancer and awful stench to yourselves. If I got to a bar, I’m going there to drink, not smell your smoke, and most people agree with me. Nobody’s stopping you from killing yourselves. Feel free to do that.
I’ll promise not to vomit up all of my stomach contents on you in an alcoholic haze if you just keep your smoke to yourselves.
Thank you.
Time to clear the air in N.J. and D.C.
If there’s one thing I’m a fan of, it’s good, clean air. Nobody ever got lung cancer from it. Nobody ever acquired an offensive odor from it. And nobody would ever try to ban it. Or would they?
Washington, D.C. just passed a smoking ban, which goes into effect next year. Good for them. They’ve taken a great step toward improving and protecting the health of restaurant and bar workers.
I don’t spend enough time in bars to really have an indoor smoking have much of an effect on my health, but it does have plenty of nice bonuses. After a particularly bad night, it’s certainly not unusual to need to wash my hair more than once just just to get the smell out. But it’s not just hair, it’s everything. On more than one occasion, I’ve shivered my way to the bar, sans-jacket, in the middle of winter, so I wouldn’t have to clean it the next day. And as a guy with a severely limited wardrobe, Febreze, which is nearly as offensive as the smoke, just isn’t an option. Why should 22.5 percent of the people in a bar get to decide that the other 77.5 percent should smell like wet shit? Continues after the jump »
Only slightly easier to debate than abortion…
I am going to piggy-back on the esteemed Justin Harlan, and his recent thoughts on executions. If there was ever a topic to talk about around the dinner table, it’s the death penalty. Governor Arnold has recently turned down clemency for the oldest death row inmate in the country. Last month he did the same for Stanley “Tookie” Williams. This got major press when lots of celebrities came out in support of Williams, although to no avail.
The problem here is that some people are making the wrong arguments for clemency. In the case of Williams, many people claimed he was a changed man; that he had redeemed himself writing children’s books, etc. Williams himself apparently never admitted guilt, or showed any remorse. According to court records he mouthed, “I’m going to get each and every one of you motherf*ckers” after his guilty verdict was read. Continues after the jump »
Killing in the name of
People wonder why I am against the death penalty. Well, for starters check out CNN’s article about Roger Coleman of VA.
If the tests show Roger Keith Coleman did not rape and murder his sister-in-law in 1981, it will mark the first time in the United States an executed person has been scientifically proved innocent, say death penalty opponents, who are keenly aware that such a result could have a powerful effect on public opinion.
Not so sure I agree that it is the first time someone was proven innocent after being put to death, although perhaps it is the first where it is conclusive. I recall in my previous research that in NJ alone there were something like 23 cases (as of a few years back) where evidence was found post execution that linked other people to the crimes people were executed for. The distinction between those cases that I’d previously researched and this current case is that now may be the first time someone who has been put to death is going to be conclusively proven not guilty. Continues after the jump »
I know kids are stupid, but come on
Not to make too much of a big deal about trivial sports training products, but oh my God, have you seen these TV ads from Pro Performance Sports?
Since it’s safe to say that Pro Performance Sports will probably never advertise on Crap Filter, it’s about time somebody tore these guys to shreds.
For those of you who don’t watch “Mike and the Mad Dog” on the YES Network during the day, PPS has been trying to sell the youth of America these horrendous gadgets for a while now, be it for baseball, soccer, tennis or football. The ads are done in the same cheesy manner as those Tom Emanski instructional video commercials, which used to constantly run on ESPN from about 1991 until 2003. The PPS ones air about once every ad break or so it seems. Continues after the jump »
The Liberty Bell ain’t the only thing that’s cracked…
Okay I admit it, I am biased. I went to Syracuse University when Donovan McNabb was there. So sure, I am going to lean towards his side on most stories. But seriously, when did he become the nice guy for everyone in Philadelphia to pick on? Recently a bunch of his Eagles teammates chose to go to Terrell Owens’ birthday party in Atlantic City. This is the baby that ruined the Eagles’ season, by the way. Jevon Kearse actually called Terrell Owens a “wonderful teammate”. Is this Bizarro world? McNabb is the good teammate! Owens is the evil one!
And the smearing of McNabb goes beyond the Eagles’ locker-room. A few years ago Rush “Pill-Popper” Limbaugh bashed him on national television. And now the president of the Philadelphia NAACP is calling McNabb out. I know nothing about J. Whyatt Mondesire, but it seems to me that people that lead civil rights organizations shouldn’t be calling out quarterbacks for selling out their race based on the way they play football. McNabb has always been thought of as a “company man”. People like Terrell Owens don’t like this, because they apparently think he is not black enough, since he is working in a manner the white boss likes. “The Man” and all that…you know how it goes. Like the “racist” dress code of the NBA. According to Jermaine O’Neal, a necktie is the noose of the white devil!
Maybe Donovan just needs to get out of Philly. These are the fans that booed him when he was drafted. And everyone knows they also booed Santa Claus. So is it just that he had the misfortune of being drafted into a place that is crazy? Boston and New York Fans are tough, but that is because it sometimes generates results. Philly fans want to be known as the people that hope for hemorrhoids, just to prove they can take the pain. Donovan McNabb needs to get the heck out of Dodge, and go be the model quarterback in a city that appreciates him. Too bad Syracuse doesn’t have an NFL team…
UPDATE: The real head of the NAACP has issued a message condemning the statements by the Philadelphia blowhard.
Edward R. who?
Katie Couric needs to be stopped.
As I type she’s angling to become the anchor of “CBS Evening News,” which would mean taking over the spot from the departed Dan Rather and interim crusty newsman Bob Schieffer. And supposedly CBS is also throwing in appearances on the venerable “60 Minutes” as part of its reported $20 million per year offer.
The cast of “Today” recently held a conference call with reporters to celebrate its 520th straight week as the top-rated network morning news show, and of course all anybody wanted to talk about were rumors that Couric was leaving NBC for CBS. This column from Phil Rosenthal of the Chicago Tribune details the response from Katie, who did her best to defuse the the rumblings while keeping them alive at the same time:
“In terms of my own future, I know there’s been a great deal of speculation in the press and while I appreciate the interest—kind of—I just thought I’d say off the bat that my contract ends in May and I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do,” she said preemptively.
Like Eagles through the hourglass…
Back in the spring of 1994 I was injured in a soccer game in Wilmington, Massachusetts. My tibia and fibula were fractured in one fell swoop. To this day I am angry someone wasn’t videotaping the game, since I think it could have rivaled the Joe Theisman video.
Anyway, with my leg in shambles, I was taken to the hospital for a week’s worth of bed-pans and catheters. Good times. It was also during this time of confinement that I fell upon the joy that is “Days of Our Lives.” Oh man, I really had a crush on Billie Reed (the Lisa Rinna version). Stefano DiMera was a great villain, and John Black was the constant rock of the show.
While those care free days of watching the soap opera and learning to walk again were wonderful, there were not nearly as entertaining as the best soap opera of 2005: The Philadelphia Eagles. We have by now heard it all: T.O. is bad. T.O. is good, blah blah blah. I am an admitted Terrell Owens hater. Even so, this is great stuff, and in my dreams it is on the verge of a bonanza of fun. Continues after the jump »
There’s good, and then there’s ‘asshole good’
So I’m reading the latest issue of Spin and I stumble across the line of the century. It comes fom columnist Chuck Klosterman, who was trying to explain why people don’t hold the albums of egomaniac Billy Corgan in such high regard anymore.
They’re good, but they’re not “asshole good.”
Even reading it now I still chuckle to myself.
But not only is it funny, it’s so legit. Sure, you can be an asshole about your work, but you better be fucking great, not just good. Then we’ll let you get away with it. That’s what “asshole good” is all about.
Of course, this got me thinking, well then, who is worthy of “asshole good?” Continues after the jump »
Move over Jane: it’s Hanoi Gary
Gary Glitter’s at it again.
Police in Vietnam are looking for the British musician whom they believe is having a relationship with a teenage girl.
The police are currently interviewing the girl, who was found at Gary’s rented house in the Asian country. Continues after the jump »
